Disillusioned.

I'm just so disillusioned with life.

Last night only made it worse.

As I kissed Beja goodnight he bit  me on the lip( he's never done that before!) and it wasn't a playful nip,either, because his snout was all "scrunched up" like he was mad.

I was just so hurt, and emotionally more so than physically.

I can't believe that he did that. 😭

I also had insomnia last night and couldn't fall asleep until 1 am and only got 4 hours sleep so I feel like a zombie today and my hubby goes, That sounds like a YOU problem! and I told him, Well, who else's problem would it be? 

It's sad as well to realize that when I die no one will even miss me, and Buddy was the only joy in my life and he's just a memory now, and now the only happiness I get is memories of the past.

I also heard Stairway To Heaven again yesterday and my abdomenal pain is still sooooooooo baaaaaaad I just want to scream and it really rained later in the day yesterday and now most of the snow is sadly gone but we'll get more, and Advent starts incl. the Advent calendar so at least I have a chocolate each day to look forward to  for a month and the radio station is also playing Christmas music to bring a little cheer into my miserable dreary life.

I also like this century-old vanity, and the oldest finally almost has his university student loan paid off( he's 36) and the 31 YR old brags his college test scores are "so ridiculously high" he can take any course he wants, even a doctor, even though it's only the nursing course that the gov't pays for, which I think is going a bit too far(he's soooo arrogant!), and you have to go to university for that,anyway, not college, and he tried to start up a chess club at the local library as well but no one was interested; I guess none of the dumb rednecks in this hick-ass town even know how to play chess but maybe they have a chess club at the college and if not maybe he can start one up? He also forgot to cover up the car windshield before it snowed like my hubby asked him to and when my hubby was brushing the snow off he twisted his leg the "wrong" way and hurt it even more and he screamed so loud when he came back in the house Beja even ran over to see what the fuss was all about!

Yesterday the 31 YR old was also sitting in the recliner chair with Beja talking to his GF on his phone and I was on the couch and I just happened to look over at Beja on his lap and the way the phone was at an angle I could see his GF....and she flashed him her boobs! Jaysus, I got a free show! I really wasn't expecting that! I still do that to my hubby,too, although not when anyone else might see it! HA! There's also this guy in Turkiye that always messages me on Facebook every time I go on and he puts lips/kisses on my photos and it's really creepy and I never reply(I don't "do" messages/ live chats) but it's the weirdest thing!

Those dear souls who choose to leave this life prematurely are given every help that is available in heaven for however long is needed. The lessons still remain and therefore they will have a chance to complete them in heaven.-Ronald Danks