Birthday Buddy.

Today would have been Buddy's 20th birthday but he died last year 2 months after he turned 19 but my love for him is eternal and I know he's waiting for me on the Other Side and I'll see him again some day soon. I will always love him and miss him. He is the best thing to ever happen to me in my life and the biggest blessing God gave me. He was my soulmate and heart-dog and the best friend I ever had. Here he is in the photo with his fave. toy which now sits in the cabinet next to his  collar and leash,ashes, and photo. I also heard Stairway To Heaven again this morning on the radio and we're getting rain, freezing rain and snow today and the school buses were cancelled yet again and my back and abdomenal pain is still sooooo bad I'm dizzy with the pain and it feels like an elephant is standing on my spine and I just want to scream.

 My hubby got the youngest a weighted blanket as well as he doesn't sleep well(welcome to the club) even though I had to get mine for a Christmas gift, and it hurts that in my family it feels like I have to "earn" things that everyone else gets for free just for existing and he also went to the passport office to renew his passport except since it expired he can't just renew it but needs a guarantor, etc. like the first time, whereas when I last renewed mine 10 years ago I just needed references but then again mine hadn't expired, plus each time I do it they're always changing things,too.

I bet he's already getting tired of Adulting and he just turns 19 next month.

Check out this icicle on our vines at the back and it's so big the photo doesn't even cover the entire length of it and I heard now George Clooney is on the Epstein Files as well and I used to really like him but not anymore and now people are saying/revealing "So-and-so is on The List" but instead of saying who IS a pedophile I ask who isn't as it seems they're ALL on it, and I saw this baby monkey at a zoo online that was rejected by his mother and abused by others in his group and it's sad and that's exactly how I feel in life as well so I can empathize so the zookeepers gave him a plush monkey toy he clings to and hugs for comfort and companionship and like me, my dog is my only friend and comfort.

 My hubby's also been extra "snippy", snappy, and "short" with me than usual ever since he got back from his 4 days away so I can't wait until he goes away again and he was being a selfish prick so I mumbled ,Yeah, yeah, it's just something for me so no one cares. F*ck you, asshole! only I didn't know the youngest was just in the next room and heard but I still stand by what I said, and yesterday as I was outside smoking mi ganja 6 squirrels came up to me knowing I feed them so I guess I am  important and matter to them and I saw a small blonde one(it looked like its fur was bleached) but not the bigger blonde one from before so it must be its baby. The usual squirrels around here are black or grey.

I feel no connection to this world at all.-Kunk