Time Flies.

Yahoo!

We finally now have a Taco Bell in town and yesterday I had the Supreme Crunch (I think that's what it's called) shown here. I had the beef one and the youngest had the chicken one. I already have The Shits anyway so I can take a chance on Taco Bell  and it's "Diarrhrea Lettuce" because I won't even know the difference anyway. I still have the gawd-awful abdomenal , stomach and back pain, as well as frequent nausea and my cough is pretty much most of the time now as well, and so bad it makes me choke and almost puke. That, along with the debilitating fatigue(and the rectal bleeding,too, let's not also forget that!) has me convinced that I must  have some sort of cancer somewhere but the question is where did it start and where has it spread? I also heard it's been a year already yesterday since Ozzy Osbourne died and I just couldn't believe it! Has it really been an entire year  already? Holy shit, it doesn't seem that long! It seems like it was just a few months ago.It's gone by soooooo fast! It really is true, the older you get the more time flies!

This was also so cute of Beja yesterday. He just merely exists and does his thing and has no idea how adorable and cute he is. I don't even think he has to really put any effort into it,really, although I think he is aware  of it( mainly because I'm always telling him) and he "milks" it for all it's worth and gets as much love and praise as he can out of it,too.

If you've got it, flaunt it. 😂😁

I've also been trying to get my BP meds prescription re-newed for a week as well and I'm almost out. The pharmacy has been trying to reach the doctor for a week now since I called in the re-newal and they still haven't heard back so my guess he's on vacation. Just my "luck" though and what do I do if I run out and he's still not back to re-new it?

Just stroke out or have a heart attack I guess...

I also have this fear one of the kids is depressed and suicidal but I hope it's just another of my irrational fears and NOT based on actual fact but they don't want anything to do with me and I respect that and keep my distance so I'm not going to say anything, plus I also don't want to burden them with my worries, anxiety, and fears but I hope I'm wrong though. I also always wrack my brain trying to figure out what exactly I did  wrong to make them hate me when I did my best and always meant well and had good intentions but I also do know it's NOT easy to live with or to get along with someone who is autistic and bipolar, but they didn't have a "disadvantaged" life,though,either; they grew up with an inground pool,  were homeschooled and for the most part shielded from the sin, corruption, violence, bad influence, and danger of the world until they left home and went off to university, and they also went to Cubs, youth groups, Cadets, camp, etc. and we took them across Europe and the Caribbean.

I guess it's just me.

People just don't like me but I don't know who else or what else to be even though I've tried  and I wish I was someone else.

I also remember my BFF telling me she likes to watch tennis and I was surprised as she never used to and she said, "We were kids then" and it's true; I noticed all my childhood and teen friends eventually transitioned into adulthood and grew up and matured but I still stayed the same, at least emotionally.

 Autism really sucks.

So does bipolar.

and trauma.

I was left trying to figure out what I had done that would cause the child I had loved since before she was even born, to just throw me away like a piece of trash.-Lea Anne Rutledge