Thought For The Day.

The Jamaica Diaries.

Nuh, dutty up! DAY 7:

Today's my last day at the beach and my last day here as I leave tomorrow. So sad. The photo above is of my room and the one down more is the view from my balcony, with a big beautiful palm tree(my fave. tree!) at the front. I love it. I'm really going to miss it. I don't want to go back to that shit-hole. I'm sad to leave but I am really excited to see my Buddy and I really miss him so much! I also phoned home and everyone's fine and I even had them put him up to the phone to hear my voice. Today the burn is peeling even more and I feel like a snake shedding it's skin and I wonder if snakes shedding their skins itch this much too? I even find flakes of skin on my bedsheets.....eewwww!!

I have a balcony in my room as well and I sit out on it and smoke my doobage (and also on the beach) and I just feel so free and so alive and like I'm living beyond the confines, insults, and abuse of my family, and stuck in a life I don't want. I also saw another stingray and I LOVE the water, and being so bouyant I float and feel so light, so weightless, agile, graceful, unrestricted, free and like when I used to do gymnastics when I was younger, thin, and healthy.

I also saw tiny little brown lizards scurrying around and they were just soooo adorable(I saw the same kinds in Cuba) and tomorrow the airport pick-up is at 9;30 am and the flight isn't until around 15:00 so I'll be bored out of my skull hanging around the airport for so long.....uuuggghhhhh....travel days are so long, tiring and exhausting....and when I arrived here after all the sitting my left leg swelled up 3-4 times the normal size it was so gross and I half-expected blood clots, it was so gross. For our last night here we also had dinner on the beach with fireworks and one of the beach hustlers tried to hustle me again but in a way I sort of "hustled" him as I ended up getting a free doobie out of it but to be fair in "exchange" I also did give him dinner from the buffet as he said he was hungry and the verse from the Koran about the feeding of a poor man came to mind, and I also found out those loud, obnoxious people I assumed are American are from Toronto,ha,ha!

There's nothing like smoking a joint on the beach, under a palm tree, watching the sun set, that's how and where I want to die, and it makes me uncomfortable too having Black people wait on and serve white people and reminds me of Colonialism and slavery and people are so surprised I'm travelling alone too but for me it's no big deal and I enjoy the solitude. Tomorrow I'll be sleeping in my own bed with my Buddy-Boy but I will miss not waking up at the beach.

Homeward bound DAY 8:

I'm sooooo glad I upgraded to Elite Premium Plus not only for the extra leg room(worth it in itself) and the free luggage but also the shorter check-in lines at the airport: mine just had some 50 people ahead of me in prioroty check-in instead of several hundreds of them(who must have had to wait HRS!!) in the other long line up with the common peasants, ha,ha! It's strange too how everyone always says Have a safe flight! I mean, isn't that what's expected? They might as well say I hope you don't crash! It never really did make sense to me. The same when people clap when the plane lands( although this time no one actually did, thank God) it's so dumb.

The flight ended up leaving 3 HRS LATE and when I finally arrived in Toronto at 23:30 the pick-up I'd arranged for ahead of time said I was too late and just left me stranded at the airport so my hubby had to come get me and he was really mad as it's a 2 HR drive each way but what was I supposed to do? Just my "luck" though; the trip had gone well and I should have known it was too good to be true; that something had to go wrong at some point; there's no way it could go perfectly, not for me. It was funny going thru customs too: there was this girl ahead of me, maybe around 8 YRS old, loudly complaining, I hate Canada! I just laughed my ass off, thinking, I hear you! I'm right with you!! I brought souvenirs back for everyone as well but only the 24 YR old was polite enough to thank me for his (a T-shirt) the others just grabbed theirs snatching them out of my hands without a word of thanks,and my mother even let the 12 YR old use hers ( a mug I got just for her as she can never find one for her coffee and tea so I got her own special one) even though I got it for her as a gift and she just treats it like a common mug, and the girls haven't even worn the socks I got them....

Yeah.....welcome home. Some things never change.

Today's Truth.

The Jamaica Diaries.

Ya, 'Mon. DAY 5:

Today my burn's soooooo bad I can hardly even walk and I limp and hobble along wincing in pain and even my lips and ears are all burned and peeling, along with my chest and back, I look like a cross between a red lobster and a snake shedding it's skin and I have a headache,too, I assume is sunstroke but my abdomenal pain's been good; it starts up but I smoke weed 1-2 times a day and it takes care of it. I'm still bleeding a bit too but now it's tapered off to a scant brown and for today I'm staying out of the sun and in the shade to let my burn get a rest.

I can even get our nightly news from back home here too only an HR earlier due tot he time difference and there's a flood warning back home so I wonder if there will even be a house for me to go back home to or if it will have floated off somewhere, and whenever I go to a country shortly after I leave something bad always happens to it too, like a terror attack or some sort of natural disaster, so I wonder what will happen to poor Jamaica after I leave? Sorry Jamaica, I didn't mean it, I'm just a jinx and I seem to curse everywhere I go....

Most of the guests at the resort here are from Ontario, Quebec and USA but there are also a few Germans, Spanish and Italians. I have no e-mail access though so no contact with anyone back home and I just hope Buddy's ok and they aren't being mean to him, they remember to feed him and take him for walks and that he doesn't think I abandoned him! I really miss him and can't wait to see him and if I came back and he was gone it would just destroy me. I also heard 1 Jamaican guy say to another I can't understand white people! as if we have the strong accent which is kind of funny, but I just love the way they talk though, and from my wet bathingsuit I also got a raging yeast infection(like I did in Hawaii too from always being in the water) but I brought meds though, just in case, anticipating it.

Jah bless DAY 6:

Today this guy swore and then realized I was there and he apologized and I just laughed and replied, I don't give a f*ck if you swear! and he laughed too.I'll talk to people if they inititate it or come up to me but for the most part I just keep to myself and I also found out that, like myself, Rastas don't eat salt, so I must be a Rasta inside all along,too, and today I went parasailing like I've done before at home and this time my parachute was even my fave colour too: purple! It was awesome and the closest thing to actually flying and I love the motor boat ride too and it reminded me of the cottage as a kid too being in my uncle and cousin's motor boats. In the evening they also had a live Reggae band and today at the beach I wore a T-shirt over my bathingsuit to cover my badly burned chest and back so it can heal, only exposing my arms and legs to the sun.

No one here ever seems to know the temp. either and whenever I ask all anyone ever says is sunny but I saw on the BBC world news it's 31 C and the people here are so warm, and happy too, and always smiling, singing and in a good mood. I envy them. I also ate my new brownie and normally edibles have no effect on me but this one was so potent and it hit me as I was having dinner and I had to lay my head down on the table and I honestly thought I was going to pass out and slip under the table so I went up to my room and it was so potent it knocked me out for awhile. I hope I die here,too and maybe that's even what I came here to do, my final stop in my journey, like I came "home" to die, to my Happy Place, and never have to go back to that place, that house, that family, that life that makes me so miserably unhappy.

Wordless Wednesday.

Musing For The Day.

The Jamaica Diaries.

Wah Gwaan: DAY 3:

I LOVE the Jamaican people, they're so kind, friendly, and beautiful, not like my Babushka, who always complain about all the dirty Jamaicans in Toronto. I think I must be Jamaican on the inside. My routine's now suntan oil in the daytime and bugspray at dusk and I'm awake to see the sun rise( good morning, Jamaica!) and I watch it set at dusk (early here, at just 18:15) on the beach. It's my fave thing to do and my Happy Place. I wish I could die right here, on the beach, watching the sun set.

George the Rastaman also shaved off his dreads and at first I didn't even roecognize him when he approached me he looked so different( and much younger; he's 42) and as we were sitting together on the beach a resort employee came over and asked if I was ok and I said I was fine; we were just talking and I appreciated his concern but I hope it wasn't because he saw a Black man with a white woman but just because I'm a woman travelling alone. George also even kindly brought me aloe for my bad sunburn that he picked from his own garden.

I almost stepped on a big stingray in the water,too! I saw this shadow moving along the bottom I first thought was just a reflection shadow from the sun or my foggy goggles, holy shit, and then realized what it was, and it was in the shallow water,too, which surprised me......f*ck me, that's what killed the Crocodile Hunter, and it was a big one,too. I'm always the rebel as well and swim beyond the barriers set up as it's too shallow and I like to go where it's nice and deep... I also had a dream I got shot and died and asked God to let me see Buddy one last time and He did, in a vision, and I woke up during the night thinking I heard a dog whimpering and I sat up bolt upright and said Buddy? thinking I was still home in bed but of course no one was there.

Respect. DAY 4:

Now I have this system where I don't starve so much in-between meals  anymore: I smuggle something such as a banana bread, a Festival, or some Froot Loops or something into a napkin and then sneak it off to my room and save it later(sort of like a squirrel would store his nuts for winter) and eat for a snack when I get hungry. Today I also went to visit Bob Marley! Well, the house he was born in and lived in for 13 years and then the mausoleum where he is buried. I touched his burial place, thanked him, and pressed my iPod containing his wonderful music up to it but just my "luck" the battery died so I just got one photo, seen below, but they didn't allow photos of the chapel anyway and I guess some moments in life are just too poignant, sacred,deep,and surreal you just live in the moment and keep it in memories.

They sold weed for the tour too and I bought a Big Fatty (which everyone lit up and smoked during the tour) and a big brownie and we had Jerk chicken for lunch.It was a 3HR drive each way and now my back is killing me and I'mm probably end up paralyzed and get blood clots in my legs but I did it for Bob and if I didn't I know I'd regret it for the rest of my life, like that time I went to Venice but didn't go on a gondola ride because I was just too tired and rushed and didn't have the time.

I also saw a mango tree and my burn's sooooo bad now I can't wear my bra or lay on my back and I had trouble sleeping and I couldn't watch the sun set today as it was raining in the evening and power went off for a few seconds,too. We drove 3000 feet up into the mountains which took 1 HR itself on these narrow winding precarious roads, like the ones on the Amalfi Coast, like the one Princess Grace was driving on when she was killed in the car accident, and they're crazy drivers here(and drive on the other side of the road too like in the UK) like they are in Paris and Rome, and I feel like I've always belonged here and I hope it's where I die and stay. It feels like this is my real home.