Wednesday Words.

No, actually I do want to die.

My mother says it looks like a jungle.

The 70's and 80's.

The look of betrayal. My hubby always does that to Buddy.

I think it's cool; someone has the same taste as me; it's like we're twins!

Do it and die.

Let your Freak Flag fly.

Dead...

I bet it tastes like ass!😂

Never trust Vikings to name things.

Actually just 6 more days now! Yahoo!!

...and smoking a joint with your titties out.

The struggle was real.

Time for me to fly Oh, I've got to set myself free.-REO Speedwagon

 

Musing For Today.

 

On Safari.

I finally got it! After hunting for this hippo all summer, feeling like I was on safari, I finally got it! Yesterday the bismuth sculptor brought it over! It's even nicer than I'd hoped in real-life and than it looks in pictures and I absolutely love it! Now it sits on my bedroom dresser among the bloat of other hippos in my collectibles, right in the centre, and with its bright shiny rainbow colours it stands right out and I have to say its most impressive and now my fave. piece! It even has mostly purple and blue as the most dominant colours; my fave. colours! I have to give him a name(yes, I know I'm weird; I name all my sculpures and stuffed toys....and my flowers and plants,too) and it's really heavy but hollowed out inside and underneath, just like you have to do with clay(I know as I've worked with it many times) otherwise if you don't it will explode when you put it in the kiln. It feels like I've been on a quest all summer and finally right at the end I succeeded! I also wonder if the shit smell in the backyard could be the fetid grungy "swamp" water on the top of the pool cover from all the rain, and before I knew what memes were called I used to call them those funny joke-things I found on the Internet. It was also so hot yesterday I couldn't even go outside but just stayed in with the A/C and today it's going to 32C with humidex of 40C!

Last night my hubby also got back from NY and exactly a week today I go on my trip and it's hard to believe next Tuesday I'll be on a plane flying away from this shithole and this life and will have a week at the beach in the Caribbean, my Happy Place, and I haven't exactly started packing yet although I did get my bathingsuit, goggles, and flip-flops out, but I did pack my mother's bag for her Big Move to the LTC home(and today will be my last time visiting her at the hospital,too) but all she really has are 2 underwears and socks and a pair of shoes so we have to go to the store and get her some pants and some other stuff but she doesn't have much to pack in any case ,and just 2 days after I leave on my trip one of my cousins in Europe( the one that just went to Jamaica) is going to Egypt. I've been there,, but I was diappointed; there were sooo many beggars there(baksheesh, baksheesh!) even more than in Mexico,esp. near the Pyramids, and it was so poor, dirty, crowded, run-down and HOT(42C!) the hottest place I've been!.I'm also hoping the salt water of the sea  in the Dominican will relieve my rash on my back,too.

Marijuana is flowing through my veins.-Charly Black.

 

Today's Truth.

 

Last Day.

Not too much going on here except to say that today is the last day of summer vacation, it being Labour Day and schools go back tomorrow. I can still remember the fear, the nervousness, the anxiety, and the dread of going back to school, even now all these years, decades, later, and sometimes I even still have nightmares about it. Today is also supposed to be the hottest day of the year, going up to 33 C with a humidex of 41 C and lasting for 2 more days!Not good for the poor kids in schools that for the most part are NOT air conditioned! It was so hot yersterday( even for me) Buddy and I couldn't even go out in the backyard but had to stay in the front on the veranda where there's shade and it's always cooler and breezier. In 8 more days I also go on my trip but it still doesn't feel real yet, and almost like I'm waiting for something to happen, to go wrong, to ruin it, my life has "conditioned" me, so in a way I'm not "allowing" myself to get too excited about it and I still have to pack and go to the store and get a couple of books to read on the plane.I haven't packed my mother's bag for her Big Move to the LTC home yet either which is on Thursday and I know I'll just be hauling ass and doing it the day before, ha, ha. and to think that I used to be soooo organized before and do everything so far ahead but now I just don't give a shit anymore. We also found out the wheelchair she wants(like she's using at the hospital now) costs a whopping 6K and she says she needs it "for her independence" and without it she'll be "confined to bed all the time" and "isn't her independence worth 6K?" and I said It may be worth 6K but we still don't have it and can't afford it! so  she'll just have to be confined to bed so she's going to ask the kids to set up a Go Fund Me page for her.

I also still have my scaly scabby red rash on my lower back and unlike excema it stings and burns, more like a bad sunburn and when I compared it to photos of rashes online it came up as shingles, and looks like the one shown here, so maybe that's what it is; and it's the Herpes Zoster virus left-over from Chicken Pox decades earlier laying dormant in your spinal cord that flares up, often in your 50's( although the 20 YR old had it as a teen) with pain, often really bad, and the rash, with cold-like symptoms, which might also explain my  recent runny nose ,itchy eyes,and headache I just passed off as allergies....plus my really sore back...it's possible and could be...you never know...her and I both had the Chicken Pox when we were babies under a year old....Yesterday the bismuth sculpture guy called me as well and said he'd drop by with the hippo at 6:30 so I waited....and waited....and waited....and nothing; he never showed up, and it got to be 8 pm and he still never came so I thought maybe I got it mixed-up and he meant today at 6:30 and I go to bed by 9pm...and then this morning there was a message on the machine that he did come by later last night and was on our porch but there was no answer; we were all up in bed....but he'll call again today. Let's hope so; I've been trying to track down this little hippo all summer! If not, well, at least I'll save 160$.

It's also been sooo nice with both my mother and hubby gone and yesterday the 28 YR old asked if my hubby was coming back yesterday and when I said no, not until late tonight he goes, Good! and I prefer it this way, just the 3 of us(him, the 16 YR old, Buddy,and I) and even the 16 YR old's been much nicer and even been helping out more and we 're getting along better now,too,without my mother here interfering and to indulge and pamper and excuse him and to "triangulate" us and the 28 YR old was also an asshole(and with a faulty memory,too) saying his childhood was macaroni & cheese, oatmeal ,and hand-me-down clothes as if he was some sort of disadvantaged orphan child, and he was one of 11 kids(but everyone did also get new clothes as well not just second-hand) and he forgot that I also took him across Europe when he was 11,too, not too bad for a "poor orphan" I'd say....

Ingrate.

Let it be.-The Beatles.

 

Thought For The Day.

 

Nice Things.

I found a couple of other nice things online I like; the crocheted afghan shown here and the bracelet below. it wasn't actually an ad for the afghan but for the pattern, which, of course, is completely useless for me since I can't knit or crochet, but I love the afghan. My Babushka used to knit, crochet, sew, etc. and make all kinds of things like that; afghans, sweaters, etc. and she even tried to teach me how to knit and crochet when I was a kid but I'm just too autistic, too stupid and too inept and clumsy and awkward to be able to learn, plus I just don't have the patience and I kept getting confused and frustrated (just like with pretty much most things) and gave up. It was just too hard. I also have a bracelet similar to the one below, and maybe I even got it from the same place years ago, who knows. Luckily my mother also finally came to her senses and now realizes it's best for her to go to the LTC home ; it's just that she was overwhelmed as it was so sudden and she wasn't expecting it so soon. She said she "feels like having a big cry only it won't come" and I told her to just let it out and she'll feel much better. My lazy ass still hasn't packed her bag yet or my own( and I leave for my trip in just 9 days) but I hate packing so I'm putting it off to the absolute last minute.HA! I also hope that I can allow myself to have fun on my trip too; that I'm not so worried about leaving Buddy behind that I can't enjoy it, and if it weren't for him I'd have nothing to even come back to.I also love sleeping in bed feeling his warm little body snuggled up next to me,too and he is the only physical contact I even have.

Yesterday morning I also saw a rabbit in our yard and this morning a golden finch and now it stinks BOTH in the backyard and front yard only like rotting shit, like horsehit, so I wonder if one of the neighbours maybe has manure on their lawn, and next-door finally got rid of the Shitmobile ( their broken down car with the bumper hanging off, the dent in the side and making god-awful noises) and got a new car and this is also the final weekend of the CNE (it ends tomorrow) marking the "unofficial" "end" of summer ( waaah!!) and yesterday I could see and smell the wildfire smoke again, and I normally clean my bong with alcohol and salt but there's still a really scrungy part so I put it in the dishwasher with the dishes and it worked and it came out all nice and clean! It's also hard to realize as well that my mother was just 6 years older  than I am now when we moved here 20 years ago( that makes me feel old!) and yesterday the 28 YR old got "carded" at the liquor store buying wine; they didn't think he looked over 19 so I guess his meticulous skin-care routine( masks, moisturizers,etc) must be working, and he said his Jewish clients go all-out on their holy days as well; they not only get their chandeliers cleaned but re-paint their houses,too! All we do for Christmas is just put up decorations and lights  and bring out the good china! I also had a dream my hubby has mistresses named Karen and Jennifer.Wouldn't it be weird if that was actually true?

It's time for me to start over.