Daily Pondering.

 

Scarface.

It's still soooooo bitterly cold out and last night it was -35C but the good news is at least there's no snow forecasted for the next week. The ceilings also haven't leaked all yesterday and when I poured all the water that leaked from the 3 spots in the living room ceiling the other day all into one bucket it was almost filled to the top! Yesterday as I got up from my nap Beja(who sleeps curled up on my pillow beside my head) also jumped up and went sailing past my face and scratched my cheek with his nails and now I have this big red scratch.

Just call me Scarface.

I was also out the back and heard this little dog barking and thought to myself, "I wonder whose yappy little dog that is?" and it turned out to be Beja in the house barking at the youngest. He also said half the people dropped out of his course,too.

I think my liver is acting-up again as well as my skin and the "whites" of my eyes are yellow (jaundice) again and I'm really itchy all over and the extreme fatigue and no energy plus not much appetite and weight loss and pain on the right side as well, and I was listening to music and had my eyes closed enjoying it and when I opened them up I honest-to-God saw my mother standing there right in front of me and she was a bit hazy(and looked younger) but clear otherwise and I knew it was her and she was wearing her fave. aqua-colour knit sweater and skirt she had in the 80s(and I think I probably still have a photo of somewhere) and she didn't say anything and was only there for a few seconds and then disappeared and it made me jump back in shock and surprise.

I also had a dream last night my friend A from high school phoned me and I haven't heard from her since grade 11 even though I've tried to re-connect over the years on Facebook  but she either changed her name or doesn't have an acc't, but I just hope it doesn't mean she died or something, and  my friend S( from grade 8) her daughter is still in the hospital( it's been a month now) with a stubborn pneumonia and also keeps having low oxygen sats and low heart-rate and is on antibiotics and steroids. The weather is also so f*cked-up so much lately even southern American states are getting snow storms now ,too.

 Increased and unusual natural disasters and weather patterns in the Last Days and End Times.

Global Warming and Climate Change, my ass.

At the end of each long journey, he always returns to the one he truly loves.-Thomas Shelby

 

Today's Truth.

 

Chinese Water Torture.

Look how much snow we have on the roof at the back, easily 2-3 feet! Now we have the livingroom ceiling leaking in 3 places, plus another in the foyer under the window ,and yet another in the second floor hallway from the ceiling from the melting snow on the roof although I have suspicions the living room ceiling one is from the bathroom directly above it, from either the toilet or tub esp,. as it's leaked there before from the ceiling fan when someone has a shower up there,too and it's not even under the roof but has a whole other floor above it.. It's really bad and was leaking for 8 hours yesterday and we have buckets all over the house catching the drips and hearing the constant drip, drip, drip yesterday was like Chinese water torture and I think it will end up driving me completely insane!  My hubby also got mad in a hurry to catch the leak I just grabbed the nearest big bowl which just happened to be his popcorn bowl but I mean I assume he's going to wash it before he uses it and that I wouldn't use a small dish afraid Beja would think it was his on the floor and drink out of it as he walked by but I wasn't concerned my hubby would do that. 😂It has to be a big tall dish he can't reach(and that won't overflow). I also heard Barrie got 300cm( that's 91/2 feet ) of snow since November as well!

I also read a woman who had the stabbing pain behind her eye and headaches like I do had a stroke so maybe it could be that and it makes me wonder, and I cooked my ramen noodles but forgot to put the flavour packet in,  duuuh,and when I first got Beja he wouldn't let me touch his ears, paws, or tail, and now I can, and clean out his ears as well but it's still a fight to cut his nails, even after 9 months, and it's sad,too, when I think about how my dream( to have kids) did  come true but ended up ruining my life and destroying me, and I ended up regretting it, and I still remember the old dial-up Internet as well; that awful screeching sound, and how at times it took 30 minutes to connect, and how you had to get off the computer if someone needed to use the phone.

I can also remember life before the Internet even existed,too.

When I was a kid the most high-tech thing at the time was a calculator.

I also saw this photo which is supposed to be of the latest victim of the ICE killing, trying to "discredit" him in some way (which I think is despicable)and I can't help but wonder if it's even a fake, but even if it's not he still didn't deserve to get shot to death by secret police thugs and it also makes me wonder too if maybe they're even targeting gays, esp. since the other woman they killed was a lesbian,too.I think they just kill anybody though. They're like the modern-day Gestapo. I also have to re-new my home insurance and next week I have to go there and sign something and I have to double-check and make sure as well that we have water damage covered, esp. with our leaking ceilings and remembering in our old Toronto house how our leaking toilet made the kitchen ceiling come crashing down that one time. We can't afford to get it fixed and just hope and pray it doesn't collapse and if it does that insurance will cover it.(and that no one's in the room when it does!) I'm also so tired of always worrying about expenses we can't afford, and worrying about $$$, and just always worrying about everything; it feels like my life is just worry.

I'm sorry that I'm not everything you wanted, and I'm sorry that my best isn't good enough, I'm sorry that everything I do disappoints you.-Anxiety

 

Thursday Thoughts.

😂

That was me.

"Love what you have, before life teaches you to love what you have lost."-Luis Meyer

I can't help being me but I'm sorry.

I guess I'm doomed.

I've been over the Bermuda Triange several times......and ...nothing.

My hubby!!

It hurts so much when you can feel yourself becoming less and less important to the one person who means the most to you.-Anxiety

I had 11.

I can’t even lie, it can get seriously overwhelming with how fucked up everything is.-LeVeon Bell

I didn't choose the Thug Life, the Thug Life chose me.

I wanna be someone’s first choice.-S

No such thing as death. We just move on.-Stuart Fulton