Pictured above here is the crinkled peasant blouse I thought I was ordering online for my Mother's Day gift; an exact replacement for the same one I used to have before but was lost in the fire and I was never able to find.....until now.....or so I thought. The price was good too and I was so happy and excited to finally have found it.....
and then....
This is what arrived. It looks nothing like the photo and, in fact, actually looks even worse in real life than it does in the photo; not BoHo- Hippie-style light cotton gauze with pleats and lines on it but rather a cheap rayon shapeless baggy piece-of-shit that looks like a PJ top from the bargain bin that crawled out of the Goodwill box and I'm just so mad, so disappointed, so pissed-off, so furious, and what a waste of $$$$ too and all for nothing, now I don't even get a gift,either,and I'll never wear it; I just want to burn it, I'm so mad! The story of my life; always getting ripped-off, always looking forward to something and getting let-down, having hope and having that hope come crashing down, things never being what they appear or seem to be, being disappointed and disillusioned, always getting the short end of the stick in life.
Buddy also still continues to shun and avoid me. It's so weird. Yesterday he ignored me for pretty much the entire day except in the later evening when I was at my computer he jumped up onto my lap and cuddled and he still came up to bed with me at night. It's almost as if he hates me now, or stopped loving me, turned against me, grew "tired" of me, rejected me, etc. just like everyone else in my life always has even though I never did anything to him and have always been nothing but loving, devoted and kind to him. it's the strangest thing. I looked into his eyes and asked him what's wrong, what's bothering him, if he's upset with me, why he's acting like this all of a sudden and I felt the impression in my heart that he senses a chemical change in my body and it scares him so maybe I really am dying soon and he senses it and has to bond to a new Human now to ensure someone will take care of him after I'm gone but can't he at least wait until I'm dead before he replaces me and transfers over to his new Human? It makes me feel rejected and really hurts, esp. that I thought he was the only one that wouldn't ever stop loving me even if everyone else has, and yet now here he is, avoiding me......it breaks my heart. Maybe another possibility is that he senses that he's dying soon and he's "weaning" us apart so it'll be "easier" on me when he's gone as we weren't together as much like before? It breaks my heart but all I can do is still keep him letting him know I will always love him, no matter what.
My abdomenal pain is also getting worse and it really wouldn't surprise me if something's ruprured in here; I can tell something's in here screaming for help but no one's listening. I can hear it calling out for help but no one listens to me,either, and I said a funny joking prayer to God too that the next song that played on my iPod would be my "theme" song; my "farewell" song and it was Quiet Riot's Bang Your Head, a rebel Rock anthem and it was just so hilariously perfect, just so me, to go out rocking, loud and rebellious, to a banging guitar riff I just couldn't help but laugh and then it was followed by another equally appropriate song: Queen's Killer Queen. I also got my airline tickets for Jamaica and it said the aircraft is the 737....the flying death machine
I thought those were all grounded? WTF?
Interesting as well I notice how my mother doesn't defer to anybody but she does defer to my hubby( I don't defer to anyone except God, and I have no respect for my hubby because he doesn't have any integrity) and example would be how the 12 YR old's still been sleeping in her bed with her even though I've told her repeatedly he's too old for that and he should be sleeping in his own bed in his own room and she coddles him too much and treats him like a baby( she's obsessed with him) but she just ignores me but I mention it to my hubby and when he mentioned it to her then he finally ended up back in his own bed. No one ever listens to me. They also wonder why I complain so much too, but (other than my bad luck and shitty life) I just need someone to hear me and I need someone to care.
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