Slipping Away.

Yesterday morning as well Buddy left me and spent a few hours upstairs with the 17 and 24 YR olds. It's very odd; he's never done that before; he always sticks by me like glue and never leave my side, like today, for instance, he even followed me into the bathroom. It almost feels like he's separating himself from me and starting new bonds and then the thought occurred to me: am I perhaps dying soon and he senses it? Am I slipping away and he somehow knows it and it's a matter of survival; that he has to forge new bonds with someone else to ensure he has someone else that will look after him when I'm gone soon? It made me wonder as yesterday my abdomenal pain was really bad again and an overwhelming fatigue where all I wanted to do was sleep and I even tried to nap as well, and when I did he came up to my bed with me but he wouldn't let me fall alseep and every time I'd start to drift off he'd wake me up by licking my leg,pawing at me, nudging me, whining and barking, and the 12 YR old noted that  Maybe he thinks something bad will happen in your sleep and it got me thinking that maybe he's worried if I fall asleep that I won't wake up? esp. as he's not usually like that; he lets me sleep and generally will curl up beside me and nap with me and he lets me sleep fine all night....it was really weird.My hubby was also being mean again and teasing him and purposely stomped on his new squeak toy and broke the squeaker and the poor dog just looked so sad and now if I do die soon the last memory of my hubby will be of him being a complete and utter asshole(as usual) breaking my beloved dog's toy.

It's also been a week since I was at the ER and the big bruise on my IV site just cleared away now; it always takes forever for my bruises and cuts to heal and go away and I got my airline tickets for Jamaica so now it seems even more real but for some reason it still doesn't really feel like I'm really actually going for some reason (am I going to die before then or something or is it just hard to believe?) so I haven't even packed yet even though normally I pack waaay before I leave on a trip, except for the Cuba trip where I just booked it last-minute; 4 days before I left.