The Lighter.

You're not going to believe this, but after literally years of looking for a Bob Marley lighter for my weed I finally actually found one, when I wasn't even looking, when I least expected it, and when I'd actually forgotten about it and given up hope( isn't that usually the way? Maybe it'll be the same for finding happiness and love in life for me,too....ha ha...yeah....right...) I went to the corner variety store just up the end of my street to get some rolling papers to bring with me to Jamaica( 10 days today I go!) and lo and behold

There it was.

A Bob Marley lighter.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Of course I had to buy it, but of course once I brought it home and tried it, it doesn't work.

I got the dud. The reject. The broken one. The defective one. The one that doesn't work.

Just like always.

I'm a jinx.

All it does is makes a spark but no flame, and I know I'm still a relative novice at this Cannabis Culture thing( only 4 years into it now) but I know a lighter is supposed to produce a flame and not just a spark. It figures but at least I still have it as a souvenir of sorts. It reminds me of one of my first Bob Marley T-shirts I ever got: I looked everywhere for it, all over the Caribbean even and never found one and I ended up finding it at....yup....you guessed it....at the corner store up my street.

It made me feel like I was doing that Adulting thing too going in the buying the rolling papers, and kind of nervous like when you buy your first pack of cigarettes or bong or first pack of tampons, sort of like you're an imposter of a sort, like you're a little kid trying to pass yourself off as a grown-up or something. I don't know; it's weird, it just makes me feel nervous for some reason but once I did it I feel like I've completed an adult task./ It's just so weird. It must be either my Asperger's or my Social Phobia. I also saw somewhere that birds sitting up on a wire get a vibration 10 times stronger than a human orgasm,too, and my first thought was, Wow! No wonder there's always so many of them always sitting up there!!

My hubby called as well and said now he might not be back until Saturday or maybe evev Sunday night as he has no car, extending my break with him not here casing me constant stress, tension,and anxiety( and what's the best way for me to celebrate, let go and just relax? Have a nice long hot bath, sit outside with Buddy beside me, feeling the sun on my face, read a good book, listen to music and smoke a Big Fatty) but making it difficult without transportation, esp. for things like grocery shopping and he made some referral to the husband and father who goes out to the store to buy cigarettes and never returns and the thought occurred to me if that's maybe what he's even done? Has he left the family? If so the possibility fills me with mixed feelings; relieved and glad at the thought of much less hostility and stress but anxiety too as it would be a big change although I also know that we'd adapt and there's always taxis for anything local in town, and I'd either have to just wean off my medications (without his employee coverage from work to cover 80% of the cost) or go on Disability, but God knows what's best and has a plan for us either way and will see us thru it just like He always has.