Today's Chuckle.

Two Days.

Exactly a week today is my surgery! Finally! I've waited a long time for this! I'm actually excited which sounds kind of weird but I'm glad to finally get relief from the profuse bleeding and bad pain! When I mentioned to my mother yesterday that while I'm recovering (it is major abdomenal surgery afterall; they'll be taking out 3 body parts; uterus and 2 tubes, plus if there's anything else in there that looks bad; she said she'll be scoping the bladder too in case there is a tumour in there, for example, plus if it's more than just a mere cyst on the ovary that will have to go,too...) I'll need someone else to pick up my work ( cooking, laundry, feeding and walking Buddy,etc.) for a couple of weeks and she balked and said she'll do it for a couple of days. Two days.That's all I get. All the help I get. After I did everything for her for 3 weeks when she just bruised her knee and lay bedridden like an invalid.....yet when I recover after a major surgery she's only going to help me and take over my chores for a measly 2 days?That's all I get? Really? Even estimating 2 weeks might be underestimating it....My hubby won't help out; even though he does repairs and fix-it jobs around the house he doesn't do housework or chores; the most he ever does is takes the clothes out of the dryer....I'm esp. worried about Buddy; who will get his food and take him out for walks while I'm laid up in bed and not able to stand up, or even sit up and move for the first while? The other are capable of feeding themselves but he's not. I hate it how my family always disregards me and treats me like shit and when my mother needed help I was there for her but now I do and no one is here for me.

I also wonder too once my uterus is gone and I can't get prego anymore if my hubby will resume doing IT with me once again as he hasn't in the past 12 years since the youngest was born and every time I approach it he rejects me, or does it have nothing to do with that and he rejects me because I'm just too fat and old and ugly now (even though he's no "prize" either; he should look in a mirror sometime himself, the balding fat bastard) or maybe he's even getting it somewhere else. It will be interesting though to see what happens; if anything changes and how I respond to it,too. I'm not sure how I'd react; will I go for it, desperate to get laid after all this time, despite his reasons; just go for it and get a slice regardless, or feel insulted like he's just using me and refuse? I'm not sure how I feel.... A Facebook friend also said I shouldn't criticize my hubby because he puts food on the table and a roof over my head... and I told him that's still no reason for me to have to tolerate his mental and emotional abuse, and actually, it's my mother that pretty much pays for everything,anyway, and not him, and even if he did that's still no excuse to put up with abuse of any kind even so.

My Friend F (from grade 6) also posted a video up on Facebook of his dog being euthanized. It was an old dog, a Chihuahua with a brain tumour and they showed the vet with 4 syringes and the dog with an IV line and the vet injecting the IV and the dog laying in a doggie bed with the family stroking it as it lay there slowly falling asleep and then,well...you know the rest and I was horrified! What kind of thing is that to post online, killing your dog? WTF? What next, live-streaming an abortion? I told him it was an awful thing to post and I guess other people must have too because later on shortly after he took it down. Who puts up stuff like that,anyway? WTF?Nobody wants to see a dog dying, for f*ck's sake! It also bugs me people actually celebrating that ISIS leader Baghdadi was killed and sure he was a bad guy but still, you shouldn't be celebrating anyone's death,(and even as much as I dislike Trump I still wouldn't wish him dead, just impeached) and if the roles were reversed and ISIS were the ones that sent a team into the White House to assassinate Trump the reaction would be a whole lot different; there would be war; but what's the difference really? There is none. The Americans snuck covertly into a foreign nation (Syria) and sent Special Ops in there to target and assassinate a specific target (Baghdadi) on behalf of a political leader and official order.The act is the exact same. The only "difference" is who did it to who.

Cutting my toenails I also noticed there was a tiny black mole right next to my baby toe on my left foot as well as a black toenail on the baby toe on the same left foot but the nail on that toe is so small it was hard to see and at first I thought it might be dirt but I cleaned it and it was still there so I cut and dug all around the nail, basically ended up cutting off most of the entire nail and there was still a teeny-tiny black dot there left behind, embedded deep into the nail bed; it looked like the "feeler" of a wart actually, only in the nail bed of the toenail. It made me think right away of Bob Marley, and how he had melanoma and it started off as a black spot underneath his toenail (only in his case it was his big toe) and at first he thought he'd just hurt it playing soccer.....could it possibly be....? it's not sore though and I haven't hurt or stubbed it in any way so I know it's not just a bruise. I'll just keep an eye on it, but what a weird place to get cancer though(if it even is) esp. skin cancer! It wouldn't surprise me to have it considering I've spent basically my whole life out ibn the sun but I'd expect somewhere actually on my skin, you know, like on an more obvious place where the sun actually hits, like on my face, shoulders, back.....not hidden way under my toenail of my baby toe...oh, well, everyone has to eventually die of something sometime anyway so you might as well do what you like an enjoy life while you cam, so lay out in the sun if you want, smoke that doobie, drink that cocktail, have that piece of cake....you're going to die anyway so you might as well enjoy while you live.

Wordless Wednesday.

Daily Truth.

Petty.

OK, let me ask you this: do these 2 pieces of pizza look the same, that is to say, equal in size, or let me re-phrase it this way: say you had 2 kids and you gave them each one of these pieces. Would they say it was fair.....or would one complain saying he got the tiny piece while his sibling got the much larger piece? What do you think? That's what I thought and that's what I'm talking about. I put up this photo to prove my point: the other night when I was up in bed my hubby ordered-in pizza again and everyone had pieces like this (the big one on the left) and all they bothered to save me is the small puny "runt"-sized one on the right.(Usually they don't even bother saving me any at all but when they do it's always the crap stuff that's so small no one else wants it and it's just the left-over, like their table scraps) It's an insult, like saying that's all I deserve.

My mother said I should stop complaining and should be grateful I get any at all. That's her response,. Be grateful I get thrown table scraps and left-overs and crap no one else wants like a dog. I'm not worth the good stuff that everyone else gets; I only deserve the crap. That's basically what she's saying; that's all I deserve and I'd better be grateful for it. I'm lucky I get anything at all. Then she tries to "justify" it by sayingIt's just with the pizza, adding, You do get fed; we get you yogurt and a mango once a week....just for you....Wow.... aren't I "lucky?" I guess I'm fortunate they feed me at all and don't just leave me locked up in my cage and forget to feed me altogether. It really makes me feel second-class, second-rate, like an unwanted houseguest or foster child who gets treated worse than the "real" members of the family; the one no one really wants or likes but is forced to tolerate and has to feed and house but only the bare minimum and doesn't feed them the good stuff, the expensive stuff, the big slices, the juicy pieces, the fresh stuff, the quality stuff, etc.. that stuff goes to the people that are worthy,  that they actually like, but unworthy people like me that don't matter just get what's left over, the crap that's too small or dried up, left over, expired, or that no one wants... that is, if there's even anything left for me or they even remember to save anything for me in the first place. 

I'm sick and tired of always being an after-thought. I even told my mother I was going to take a photo of the 2 obvious unequal pizza slices and post it online to show everyone and she said they'll just think I'm "petty", trying to discourage me from showing the real truth of the way they treat me and the shit I really get, and I told her, Nah, probably they'll think they usually do, by saying my family treats me like shit and wonder why I put up with it.... I also remember recently when she got some piddly runt thing too and she complained herself (and it was only the once she got it and only because she was late getting to the food and all the good stuff was gone, not because she was purposely left out, and then she was compensated and given something else(yet not for me, I'm just S.O.L and told to shut up, stop complaining and be grateful) so it's OK for HER then but NOT for me? Whatever happened to same rules for everyone? Apparantly not....and why should I be expected to be grateful for always being given the crap all the time? it's like being grateful I'm "only" being beaten and not killed....Oh, thank you Massa for beating me and NOT killing me! I'm ever-so- grateful! One should never put up with, be satisfied with, accept, be thankful for, be grateful for, condone, justify, excuse, etc. being treated like shit, being treated less-than, being excluded, being made to feel Second-Class, being treated inferior, worthless, etc. KNOW your value and worth and fight for it. Stand up to those that tear you down. Demand equal rights. Don't put up with their SHIT. Ever.

As well, lately the thing under Buddy's eye has been here for awhile now, either as a fluid-filled sac that he scratches(it's itchy) and it pops open and a golden-colour liquid and blood comes out and his eye swells up with it intact or as a scab as it heals over, poor guy. Getting old sucks. I know how he feels. We are like a couple of old cronies, gingerly walking along slowly beside eachother down the street as we go for our daily walks. I'm not sure which one of us is slower. He is really grey now too(also like me) and his arthritis bothers him as well(also like me) esp. in his hip. My Dear Old dog is now 13 and when the Time comes I hope and pray that we both go together as we have such a deep connection and bond if one of us goes the other will be so lost and alone; like part of us is missing and the one left behind will have this big heavy empty void left in their life that can never be filled; that part of their life is gone, missing, and can never be replaced. I also hope and pray we will be reunited on the Other Side. BFF.....Best Friends Forever...

Daily Musing.

Beauty With Age.

Yesterday I was admiring the roses the 18 YR old got when she left work, just before she left for school in Vancouver. Yes, I kept them, so we could still enjoy them after she'd left( they were originally just left behind in her bedroom all alone) and also so I could dry the buds out and use them for a wreath later. I noticed as they aged they took on a whole new beauty; no longer the fresh look of youth and the beauty they once were but now an entirely new kind of beauty, yet beauty nonetheless; now they have dried up and shrivelled they have turned the edges into pretty ruffles and folds that weren't there before and as they have dried they have turned into a pretty 2 toned clolour now, sort of a faded pink and white with a tinge of tan colour.. They are much more fragile and delicate now and break easily but they are still beautiful, only now in a differnet way.

Maybe that's the way we should see people,too, as we age? We still have beauty left, only in a different way? It's still there, it all depends on how you look.

There's this lady in church that sits beside me every week I call Red because she has this beautiful red hair (and it looks natural,too, like the kind Irish people have, she also has this weird eye too I'm pretty sure is a glass eye as it moves "funny" and I try hard not to stare) and this week she mentioned the 12 YR old who was with me, asking if he was my kid( well, of course) and I said he was my youngest and she asked how many kids I have so I told her 11 and that my oldest just turned 30 and she looked surprised and smiled and said I look so good, implying that she must have thought I was younger, but after doing the math figured I must be in my 50's(which I am) but thought I looked younger, which was nice to hear, but she's always saying how she loves my suntan and compliments my clothes but it was still nice to hear. Maybe I'm like those withered, shrivelled-up dried up roses, ha,ha! I certainly feel old with all my medical issues though and my surgery is in just 9 more days and my hubby comes up and says Nothing's going on the 5th, 6th,and 7th of November, right, because I have to go into Toronto for work.... and I freak out, because, you know, it's just my surgery booked on the 7th, that I've only waited 2 years to get and have had booked for the past 4 months!!!!!! so now he says he'll have to switch it to the 5th,6th and 8th and tells me I have to be home from the hospital later that same day....f*ck....what it there are complications (I bleed too much, they find a problem,etc. completely out of my control) and they have to keep me in overnight, or the next day or a few days....WTF? Really?

Here was Buddy-Boy enjoying the sun yesterday. So was I. It was am anazing glorious 15 C and supposed to be the same today too and then drop off and be a seasonal cold 7 C and rain all week so this is probably it.

Enjoy while you can because our days are numbered.

Pondering For The Day.

Monday Musings.

This is just plain mean.

Who are we to say that God is wrong?

Dick, cock, pecker, willy, tallywhacker, wedding tackle, dong, meat, wood, boner,...