This is how I'm feeling right now. With depression, bipolar and my brokenness due to trauma I'm often on the edge teetering close to suicide normally, and like Albert Camus famously quouted, Your greatest achievement each day is deciding not to commit suicide. But now everything's all just so overwhelming all at once, from someone I love dearly telling me what a terrible person I am and threatening to cut me out of their life, and worrying that someone else that means the world to me(and also the only one that loves me) doesn't have much time left but also knowing at the same time that I can't survive without them because they are my entire life and meaning in life, plus being confronted with and forced to face, remember, re-hash and re-live painful memories and hurts from the past, along with all the guilt and remorse that comes with it.....
....and while also having no hope for the future, feeling hopeless, and being uncertain what God wants from me in the form of worship; public organized religion(and if so, which one?) or my own personal spirituality privately, and knowing that I'll never find happiness or love this side of Heaven and being fed up with the emerging New World Order and my resistance to it and refusal to live enslaved by the mandates of the State, etc...
These photos perfectly explain how I feel right now.
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