Close One!

Yesterday out for Buddy's walk we had a close one: we were on the edge of our lawn as he was taking a shit, right beside our driveway next to the bush when I suddenly heard a loud craaacking sound and then suddenly these big branches fell down off the next-door neighbour's big Maple tree(which must be close to a hundred years old just like the one we have in front of our house) right onto our driveway, just mere inches away from where we were standing almost hitting us, and you can see by the photo how big the one is, about 4 sidewalk-square lengths! I'm so glad it didn't fall down and hit poor Buddy! he's a small guy and that's a big branch and could have easily killed him! I'm bigger and could afford to take the hit more than he could and just the thought scares the hell out of me but that was a close one! That's why whenever we have a storm or a strong wind my hubby moves the car and parks across the street.

Yesterday my pain was sooo bad as well but I also had the best smoke of my life too because I had the everlasting nug that practically lasted forever and didn't burn out quickly and it reminded me of that story in the Bible of the loaves of bread and the fish that fed thousands and never ran out, and my right kidney hurts so much the past few days it feels like it's going to explode, and I realize too if  you don't have kids you'll regret it later but if you do have kids you regret it now, and in NaziGermany the gov't had an expression

"Für ihre sicherheit"

basically, "It's for your safety"

which they used to tried to "justify" all abuses of State power. Doesn't it sound familiar Now, with all the gov't imposed restrictions, mandates, regulations, etc. regarding the so-called "pandemic?" It's to keep you safe they tell us, to try and justify taking away our freedoms and the blind Sheeple just accept it without question.....

You won't believe what I also found: this! So I guess the 17 YR old was right! Ha! The 13 YR old also called me "trash"(I assume because I smoke weed even though it's for medicinal purposes) and it really hurt me and for one thing I am NOT "trash" since I don't even DO anything redneck, such as I don't even drink alcohol, don't smoke(tobacco), don't play BINGO , go to casinos or even gamble at all, don't live in a trailer and have never even been to a trailer park, never been to a tailgate party, don't like pickup trucks,  my kids don't all have different fathers, and I've never even tried meth or crack,I don't go to bars, strip clubs or nightclubs, I don't go around fighting and beating people up, and I don't even like sports, country music, wrestling, NASCAR, have never lived in Public Housing, been on welfare, been in jail, etc. or anything else considered to be "trash" and it bothered me too when my hubby told me 3 of the kids do  like redneck stuff despite my best efforts to raise them cultured and having better expectations for them; he said the Edmonton Boys  like football and the 21 YR old likes hockey, which disappoints me as I tried to raise them better than that and have higher standards for my kids and expected more, and then he taunts me I'm upset that they have their own personalities and like things that I don't like  etc. but it's not that; the kids like plenty of things I don't care for and have interests I don't share( such as anime, Cosplay, super hero movies, certain TV shows,martial arts, for example) and I don't care; it doesn't bother me but I do, however, draw the line at redneck and occult stuff. I DO have some  standards and expectations for my kids and generally I don' care what they like just as long as it's NOT occult(against God) or redneck. I just want them to be upright, decent, moral, honest, godly, righteous, good people and NOT "trash"(they don't have to like opera and the ballet but I don't want them rednecks,either) and I feel like I failed but I guess it's kids' "job" to be a disappointment to their parents.....

It's also been 3 years ago today my friend L(who is also the mother of one of my oldest's friends since they were teens and  it was her son who brought the Chicken-Pox into our house 16 YRS ago when he came over for a visit; his younger brother had it) was in that horrific car accident( she was on the way to Ottawa to pick up her son at the airport) where she literally died ( she flat-lined and her heart stopped 3 times) and had to be revived and suffered catastrophic brain injuries and spent MONTHS in the hospital and in rehab( not the drug/alcohol kind of rehab but the physio one) and had to learn how to walk, talk, speak, read, feed and dress herself all all over again, and even now still has no memory before the accident or herself,her personality or her life; it's just all blank, and she still suffers with speech and has no sense of smell or taste and even her taste in music has changed among other traits that have altered since the accident and she still really struggles but she is really lucky to even be alive! It obviously wasn't her Time.

This is how it feels to be me:

They certainly wouldn’t understand the constant underpinnings of inadequacy, the misplaced identity, the itchy feeling of not being understood, the anxiety of never fitting in anywhere else, or the constant fear of slipping back to that dark place. :