Minutia.
We got out first official snowfall the other day, a few cm, enough to shovel and it's still here as it's been cold like -10C but supposed to rain later this week and be gone but snow again Sunday. Ever since I had my colonoscopy 6 days ago my pain has also been even worse than usual too; stomach, abdomen,and back, plus my arthritis is even worse as well and every joint, bone,and muscle just hurts so much everywhere I can hardly even walk and I'm still really thirsty and tired too and sleep 5 hours or so a day.I'm wondering if there's any connection although last time I had it done 4 YRS ago I was fine. My hubby also says naps should be around 20 minutes but it takes me at least that long just to fall asleep and my average nap is 2 HRS; 20 minutes just doesn't do shit, and I'm just so tired of chronic daily pain and it just keeps getting worse(and it's already been 9 YRS!) and I'm tired of always hurting and always being in pain every night I pray to God and ask Him to just let me die in my sleep; I just want the pain to end. I wish I was dead as much as my family does, and I also keep getting e-mails from my travel agent and the cruiselines too enticing me for a much-needed vacation but since I'm not vaccinated with the Mark Of The Beast I've been grounded and my wings have been clipped and I can no longer fly or travel and it's just like rubbing it in and at least before I could fly off somewhere and go on a cruise or stay at a resort for a week or 2 but now there's NO escape so when it's overhwlming with my toxic family, for example,and I get suicidal and need a break from my life there's nowhere to go and I'm just stuck and that's a very desparate and dangerous combination.
Since I started taking the Metamucil daily for fibre to ease my colon issues like the doc suggested the pain and cramping is just worse too as well as the diarrhrea; I can never get a break, and I was out smoking weed the other night and 2 girls were walking by the other side of the fence and I heard one say to the other, yeah, you can smell it... yup, that was me, and I also heard some sort of animal(squirrel? raccoon? bear?) creeping up behind me, rustling in the leaves as it moved, so I held up my lighter and flicked the flame on to scare it away(animals don't like fire): you don't mess around with an old stoner enjoying a good toke! and the 27 YR old asked me how many goals so-and-so scored in the NFL and I told him, I don't give a shit about redneck hockey! and he goes, It's football! and I told him, I don't give a shit about redneck football,either! and he got his hair cut and it looks nice, and my hubby got a Far Side desk calendar as well and I wish he hadn't since I already got him a chess desk calendar for Christmas that has a different chess problems to solve each day and the rule is he's NOT to buy anything near Christmas time for that exact reason; in case he gets duplicates as gifts, but he broke the rule and di anyway, and I always joke my dowry/bride price was 20$ and he got a half-price special for 10$ and he says he still got ripped-off.
My mother's also been dropping everything lately and says she's weak so I told her to mention it to the doc when she sees him tomorrow but she justbrushes it off with I'm old! but who knows; maybe something can be done and it's always good to at least mention new symptoms in case it's something bigger,and I notice she uses the wrong words more too and spells wrong, such as on the grocery list instead of writing Chocolate chunk muffins she wrote chocolate chili muffins and instead of coffee(Draco)-her nick-name she put down coffee(Drano) and she also spelled croissant and croisante and I realized as well that all but 2 of my traumas(being molested as a kid and bullied in school) wouldn't have even occurred if I had never met my hubby, and I love my Christmas tree so much I wish I could keep it up all year, and I read a woman wants to divorce her husband as his dick is too big! What? Really? Holy Mother of God! I'd be down on my hands and knees giving thanks and praise! I heard a commercial from California as well saying now the days are getting shorter and it's getting cooler "winter" is coming and I thought, HA! Yeah....riiiiight, you have no idea what winter REALLY is!
Now our Fascist gov't is also passing a law to make it illegal to protest outside of hospitals and medical clinics( targeting anti-vaccine and anti-abortion protesters) with a 10 YR prison term( off to the Gulag with you, you dissident,you don't have the freedom to have an alternate opinion, to not comply with what the State mandates you , and you don't have the freedom to protest! This is NOT a democracy!) and I also heard a group of 20 Indigenous women( with the numbers growing) have filed a class-action lawsuit against the gov't for sterilizing them without their knowledge or permission while they were having other procedures; forced sterilization; genocide. I hope they win. I Hate this country so much. I'd love to just watch it burn. I hated it before but now it's only gotten sooooo much worse and due to their totalitarian travel restrictions for the unvaccinated I can't even leave. I feel like a prisoner.
I'm thankful and grateful for the good days and the good times because now they're just memories.
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