Life Goes On.

Check this out! Our vines at the back turned to ice after water kept dripping off the roof and then froze! It looks really cool though, doesn't it? That's what everything looked like it Ottawa(and Quebec) back in 1998 during that horrific ice storm , all trees, plants, wires, roads, streets,etc. coated in a thick heavy coating of ice; it was breathtakingly beautiful but deadly and the power went off for over a week and we toughed it out for 3 days until it just got too cold without heat and we went to a hotel....until the heat went out there,too,and I'm pretty sure the cold and stress of that caused(or at least contributed to) my premature labour and birth of the 24 YR old at 35 weeks.We're also supposed to get another big dumping of snow on Thursday so a white Christmas for sure, yay!  I also re-made the song Deck The Halls to Scratch My Balls  and there's a verse in another Christmas song too (I foget the name) where it goes, ...and kiss her once for me.... I re-did as ...and kick her once for me. The 24 YR old is also going to BC to visit 3 of his sisters over Christmas but for him in Edmonton it's only around a one hour flight. I've also now had my baaaad back pain for 10 days now(and one hell of a headache today,too) and now also on the lower left abdomen too and a thought randomly came into my head maybe it's an aortic aneurysm, and I've always had this thought too that 18 December is a 'significant" day for some reason( although I don't yet know why) so maybe it's the day I die or something? Yesterday I also kept having deja-vu; I kept seeing, reading, and re-living moments I clearly remember seeing and experiencing before in a sort of a "vision." My hubby also only ever uses one of the 3 bathrooms as he complains the other's are "too messy".....but yet not too messy enough that it bothers him enough to clean it himself.

Yesterday putting a smaller garbage into the bigger one I also saw 3 bags from the liquor store so the 28 YR old is becoming quite the boozehound lately and I just hope he's not becoming an alcoholic as well, and he does it in secret,too, and the 21 YR old phoned my mother yesterday for Christmas as well and she was so loud I still heard everything but I didn't intrude upon them; I just observed from afar like I always do; always on the outside, and I could have interjected and incl. myself but knowing her she would have huffed at me, This doesn't incl. you! You're NOT part of this conversation! I wasn't talking to YOU! (just like she always has before) as she's one of the meanest ones and I'm NOT setting myself up for rejection, and I can even still remember before overhearing her cackling to the 19 YR old about me how she "just loves to torment" me and :make me cry" and how it" "so much fun".It hurts how they push me away so eventually I just withdraw even more and just give up trying. Honestly I'm just glad that she's not coming up to visit and I'd actually be ok if I never saw her again.

 I also needed the little hand mirror for cutting the back of my hair and my mother took it and never put it back( like always) and when I asked about it she said, If you want it, come get it! and I reminded her if she uses something she should put it back for the next guy; that it's only courtesy, but she never takes responsibility for anything and always expects others to clean up after her, do her work, pick up the slack, serve her and cater to her, etc. and when they don't she's manipulative and narcisstic and twists it all around and tries to make me feel guilty by saying, it's called helping out! when really it's just an excuse so she  doesn't ever have to take responsbility, put things back, do anything, clean up her mess,  and get everyone to serve her. She also uses "being old" as an "excuse" but if I tried using MY medical issues for help they just say I'm being lazy. She also has this big pool of blood next to her bed, on her sock, and on her walker but no idea where it came from so it makes me wonder if maybe she ran over some poor mouse with her walker or something? Yeeeecch!!

They never come to see the true glory and power of love. They never experience it in its fullest and most powerful. All they experience is trauma, fear, shame and despair. Love seems to have forsaken them.