The Turkey.

Yesterday my mother insisted we have a biiiig turkey dinner with all the trimmings, exactly like we'd have on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter, complete with turkey, peas and corn, 2 kinds of potatoes, stuffing, gravy,and buns.

That's right.

On a Thursday.

I was confused,too I was convinced that we must be having company over; that as usual no one told me and people were just going to show up for a surprise visit( or at least a surprise for me) and I was expecting some of the out-of-town/province kids to show up for dinner.

Except they didn't.

The joke was on me.

But for whatever reason my mother insisted we prepare this huge feast, on a Thursday, which incl. taking the turkey out of the deep-freeze and defrosting in the fridge for 3-4 days before cooking it for some 5-6 hours and all of us( my mother, my hubby, me, the 28 YR old,and the 15 YR old) took part in cooking it, and my mother also had me prepare my olive oil and herbs mini potatoes and asked the 28 YR old to get her some peas and corn and so he comes back with a bag of frozen mixed  veggies(which is practically the same thing; it has peas and corn as well as carrots and beans) and she flipped out yelling that wasn't the right thing(she wanted 2 separate bags of peas and corn), even though it had peas and corn; you can just take out  the carrots and beans if you want( like on pepperoni pizza; I don't like pepperoni so I just pick it off and give it to Buddy) and she said he could have a drumstick and got mad at him when he had a serving of white meat instead even though some people(like me) don't eat dark meat even though a serving is still a serving( she can just be soooo weird) we just didn't eat at the diningroom table as the chess set was set up there and we didn't use the fancy real china. Then it made me shudder to think that maybe she's dying or something and senses it and wanted to make one more last big dinner for the family?

I was also sitting out on the front veranda yesterday hitting the bong as it was really raining hard (we got 25 mm or so) when the mailman came up and he looked like a big yellow duck with his yellow rain poncho it was hard not to laugh, and my friend P( from grade 6) is heading off to Cuba yet again, and I wonder as well with my high hemoglobin and platelet counts if I might even have a blood cancer called Polycythemia Vera where you produce too many red blood cells and it causes clotting issues incl. strokes , heart attacks and pulmonary embolisms and excessive bruising and bleeding( like I have) is also a symptom(and cause enlarged liver and spleen), and with my chronic daily pain, depression, and just general misery in life I wonder too if maybe I even qualify for MAID, the medical assisted dying; or euthanasia, to end my misery, an assisted suicide, esp, as I just can't seem to do it right myself, and I wonder as well if people really actually do believe all of that "Woke "shit or just pretend to so they "fit in" society and are more accepted and not ostracized? Me, I think it's all a load of  shit and I'm not "afraid" to stand alone and say so.

I'm glad I'm *dead*, a worthless fuckin' buddah head The stress is buildin' up, I can't, I can't believe *suicide's* on my fuckin' mind I want to leave, I swear to God I feel like death is fuckin' callin' me Naw you wouldn't understand.-The Notorious B.I.G