Today's Larf.

 

For Sale...Once Again.

So the house at the end of our street at the corner 2 houses down from us(where our friends from the old church used to live) where the people from Toronto moved in not too long ago is now up for sale once again( for like the 6th time or so since we've lived here) and they're asking a whopping 842K! There's no way they're going to ever get that much here; no houses sell for that much around here and The Scottish Lady just across the street from them with a similar house sold hers for half the price! I bet the Toronto people couldn't adjust to living in a hick-ass redneck Bumble-f*ck town! HA! It's always interesting to see as well how neighbours decorate and furnish their homes and this one is another black and white themed one which I don't like; too "pristine"-looking, like it's not even lived in and where's the clutter?Not a single thing is out of place and not a speck of mess? I don't know anybody  that really actually lives like that with a house so spotless and clean,either, plus I prefer a house with more "lively" bright colours, but to each his own I guess.

I also downloaded 2 Reggae songs and something stupid,too: there was a planned power outage near Toronto last night for maintenance work, only they said if the hockey game ran late they'd extend the power outage and start it later, just for a stupid hockey game! Really? What about the other people that don't want to miss the end of what they're watching,too, like their TV shows or movies? How co0me they don't care about that but will delay the power outage just for a stupid redneck hockey game? Seriously though, WTF? This shithole is just so f*cked up, and I had a dream last night as well I was in my gr.12 German class but I only had a chair and not a desk and then someone came and took my chair too so I had to stand for the class, and I heard Meghan Trainor was actually complaining her hubby's dick is too big and if it were me I'd be down on my hands and knees praising and thanking the Good Lord above for my good fortune!

Buddy is also such a diva he won't lay on his blanket on his bed until I smooth out all the wrinkles first but I do it because that's what love is, and I woke up yesterday with a "kink" in my neck that felt like a pinched nerve so I must have slept on it wrong and my stomach, abdomenal and back pain must be cancer and not just my diverticulitis as it just 'flares" up at times and isn't constant daily pain like I have now and I don't think it's supposed to be this painful,either, and I'm tired of nothing ever working and everything we have a piece of shit,too,and the 28 YR old said for me to get a job if I want nice things, but really? With my autism, bipolar, social phobia, and all my medical issues what job would I really even be able to do, not to mention the fact that I can't stand for long or I faint, plus I don't have any skills for anything,either and I don't get along with people, so there's that,too.

My mother said she can also still remember when she was a kid always tripping and falling and always having scabs on her knees and knocking her milk over at the table and her father smacking her for always "being so dumb and clumsy" but now it all makes sense as clumsiness is a typical  presentation of autism, although she always denies having it and says I "must have gotten it from my father"even though I can clearly see it in her,too.

I can remember as well the 28 YR old's ex- GF in California her friends saying she "made up" and "invented" her Canadian BF and just thought she was telling stories and didn't believe her. and didn't think he was real...until the day he showed up at her highschool graduation and then they were all just gobsmacked to find out he really did exist.

I also think it was all for nothing many things in my life, such as in 1983 when I went to L.A a few times and fell in love with it and when my mother lost her job at the hospital we decided to move there in 1984 and she even studied and took the California State exam to get her license there(and passed) and we moved....but all for nothing as within 2 weeks we both got mugged in 2 separate occasions and didn't feel safe so we just ended up coming back....and she spent all that time studying and getting her license and her employer(I think it was Cedars-Sinai if I remember correctly) got our visas etc. and I was enrolled at the Beverly Hills Prep School (and took and passed the admissions test as well) and we bought all new furniture(we had to give away as well as my dog, a Samoyed, to our gardener and his relatives who were newlyweds)....and then only to have to buy all new furniture once again when we came back ....and for what? All that for nothing! Why exactly did we have to go thru all that, and for nothing? All those dashed hopes,and dreams, and expense, etc, all for nothing, and why?

Why did it go so far all for nothing?

Another all for nothing was me having kids.My entire life ever since I was a kid I've always wanted kids, my whole life; it was my life-long dream, and I thought I was too ugly to ever find a husband so I thought I would have artificial insemination but I did get married and have kids the old-fashioned way  and I dedicated my life to raising and homeschooling them only to lose them to the world once they went off  to the university and moved out into the world and they turned away from God and everything I raised them to be and they ended up hatimg me and cutting me out of their lives once they grew up.

Once again, all for nothing.

Shattered hopes and dreams.

Every child needs needs love from their parents, some of us get it while others get a variation of what I got. Most of us on the darker end of the variation are no longer here.-Kevin

 

Daily Chuckle.

 

Keeping Up.

Not too much going on to report other than we're getting an official shitload of rain this weekend; they even gave us a rain advisory and flood warning , 75 mm or more so there goes our basement again and kitchen ceiling and it's also supposed to rain for the next few days right up to Thursday so no more outside days for me for awhile but it'll give my sunburned face a few days to heal. My pain( abdomenal, stomach, and back) also just keeps on continuing to get worse day by day so I'm thinking it must be some sort of cancer somewhere and I just hope (if I make it that long!) when I get the CT scan in June that it shows something  and this morning I smelled a really rank fart and I asked my mother and Buddy(who were both in the room with me) OK, which one of you farted? and she said Not me! and I looked over at him and he had a guilty look on his face so it was him. He'll probably also shit in the house today because he "doesn't do" rain.Yesterday I also heard a neighbour's big dog bark and a voice yelling loudly from all the way down the street, Shut up!!

I also can't believe that Carol Burnett is 90! She doesn't look it (even though I'm sure like most Hollywood celebs she's had face-lifts) and unlike my mother, doesn't even have a walker or anything,either, and I can still remember watching her comedy show in the 70's as a kid and I've always really liked her, and I can remember too in the US Virgin Islands seeing her vacation home, and I can still even remember the day I got my first period at 13 1/2 as well; the night before I was waiting for a streetcar coming back home from the O'Keefe Centre after watching the Beatlemania live performance in the summer of 1980 and I was hit with the worst "stomachache" ever and I grabbed my stomach and slid down the wall with my back to the wall and sat down crouching down hugging my knees and crying the pain was so bad( remember, I was just 13 and up to this point it was the worst pain I'd ever had) and wondered what it was.....and then the next day saw blood on my pants and I knew; so that's what period cramps felt like! It was just the beginning of  life-long really bad cramps every month but I was relieved to get it actually; the last of all my friends(they got theirs when they were 12) and I thought there was something wrong with me; that maybe I didn't even have a uterus or something and at the time I thought I wanted kids later, but I was just really skinny, underweight and under-developed and still looked like a little kid so puberty was later for me.

When I posted on my Facebook the exciting news the 27 YR old's engaged and my friend C( from the YMCA in Ottawa) said I "must be excited, with soon-to-be-grandchildren" and I told her no, as it's the trans kid so kids aren't too likely with that one and she said "Oh, no!" but I don't mind as I'm not really too "eager" for grandchildren,anyway and I do wonder though with now both identifying as male which one is the groom and if they're both going to wear suits? I also heard standing tickets to a redneck Leafs game (hockey)cost over 500$ which is crazy and they couldn't even pay me that much to watch that crap and I wouldn't even pay that much to see a concert of someone I really like,either, as that's just waaaay tooo much $$$ and waaay too expensive and just ridiculous!

“No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.” ~ Aristotle

 

Thought For The Day.

 

Update With Good News!

I found this pretty Hippie BoHo style skirt online I'd love to order but there's really no point when I never really go out much anywhere to wear it. I love it though and it's the perfect style for me. Good news! The 27 YR old is engaged!  He got engaged to his long-time BF( they met way back in university and have been together for years) and he's a really stand-up guy and must really love him still staying with him even thru a sex-change which would, admittedly, be a really hard thing for most BF's and GF's to accept and adjust to and most would break up and end the relationship even though the person is still the same person on the inside having first fallen in love with someone of one gender only to have them change, and my mother said I was worried that with 'her' Goth lifestyle 'she'd' never find anyone to love  (I never did; I just figured he'd find another Goth)but I bet his  fiance's devout  Jehovah's Witness parents are horrified and reeling with their son marrying a transgender Goth (as for me the trans doesn't bother me, just the Goth)but I'm pretty sure they already disowned him years ago,anyway, when he left the religion and went to university(now he has a PhD in some science) and knowing the 27 YR old I doubt he'll even invite me to the wedding but maybe they'll just end up having a small ceremony at City Hall,anyway. We also ran out of food and today's grocery day and I'm so hungry and can't find anything to eat and soon I'll be joining Buddy in looking for crap off the carpet to eat and last night my mother burned popcorn in the microwave and there was thick choking smoke all in the kitchen and I could even smell it 3 floors up and it burned and stung my eyes and I can still smell it this morning,too!

I'm also worried Buddy will die in May because that's the unlucky month something really bad always happens to us plus the month that most people in our family die, and my mother borrowed 60 cents from the 28 YR old and he charged interest and it was 9 cents and he hates Kelly Clarkson too and jeers she's a fat ugly disgusting pig  but I still like her( just not her style of music) and think she seems to be a genuinely nice person and his boss thinks he broke his ankle and went to the ER and waited 10 hours  and after all that they never even X-rayed it and just sent him home and told him to take a Tylenol like they usually do which is exactly why I'm so hesitant to go, and the health care in USA is much better, faster, and more efficient, but only if you can afford to pay and most people go bankrupt, and the old guy delivered my mother's meds from the pharmacy yesterday,too, and I think he's creepy; there's just something about him that gives me the "creeps" and bad vibes(and I'm NOT usually wrong about this kind of thing) there's just "something" in his eyes; I can sense some sort of evil, like maybe he's a rapist or a pedophile or something.

The other day at my hubby's work they also asked them to actually give up their lunch break for some Earth cult Earth Day celebration but none of them did, a neighbour( the one where the mother has cancer) is also building a deck out back, and my hubby refuses to believe that USA still doesn't allow unvaxxed travellers and plans on going to a chess tournament there next month even though I kept telling him but he thinks he knows everything and he's so much smarter than me and I don';t know anything and he never listens to me even though one thing I do know more about than him is travelling since I've been to 37 countries and 5 continents and he's never even left North America....and then the other day I came across a newspaper article saying the exact same thing so I sent it to him and added, I TOLD you so! I can also still remember my very first Mother's Day he never gave me a gift or even a card when I had the first baby and his curt reply was, You're NOT MY mother!! and I can also still remember writing to a newspaper advice columnist when I was 12(and it got published,too!) for advice because all my friends had started their period and I didn't and I wondered if there was something wrong with me, and how my friend J(in grade 8) made up skag me! (and even my mother still rememebers that!) and my friend Y( grade 9) called the toilet Uncle John and said I'm going to visit Uncle John, etc. yet I can't remember what I just came into the room for, or where I left my coat or what I ate for dinner yesterday.I'm also just so tired of living and so tired of life.Tired of constant chronic daily pain, my toxic family, shattered dreams, lost hopes, no future, nothing left.

 You are your best version of yourself.

 

Words For The Weekend.

It's gone!

Mine must be really hidden.

I remember one of my boys had slippers like this before!

HA! That's so evil! 😂

A life lived in fear is not a life lived.