Delusional.

My mother is delusional again. I don't know if it's the medication they're giving her( for nausea and sleeping pills and the antibiotics) she's reacting to or if it's the infection or just dementia or what but when I called her yesterday she said her doctor( who she called Dr. ReadySteady) has "a theory" as to what's causing her nausea and I got all hopeful.....until she started rambling on this "theory" is about "bugs, really, really big bugs, about 6 inches long, the kind that sting you" and that he's 'doing some sort of experiment and making a big plastic cage to keep them in...." and then I knew.

The delusions are back again.

That's not it. later on in the day yesterday she also phoned me (I'm actually surprised she remembered the number) and said to me, Where is my ride? When are you going to pick me up? I've been waiting. Isn't anyone home? and when I asked her, totally confused, she said to "push her wheelchair, to my 'thing, my app't..." and I told her my CT scan isn't until today ( due to the backlog they're doing scans 24 HRS a day now, 7 days a week) and I didn't wear my underwear with holes since the scan can show thru your body it'll also show holes in my underwear, and it has nothing to do with her, and then she said I guess I can just go back to bed then and when I asked her where she was at the time she said IN bed and I told her How can you go back to bed then if you're already in bed?  and she goes, Oh, I don't know.... so I talked to one of the nurses just to let them know she's confused and imagining things. The nausea could still be from the C Difficile if she still has it but the delusions, I don't know and it's concerning. I'll stop in to see her today before I have my scan and as for me I've also been nauseated for the past couple of days as well.

Yesterday I was also sitting out on the front veranda watching the storm roll in, and it was getting really windy, and the dark clouds came and I heard thunder and once the rain came and I was getting wet I went inside and then we even had a warning for the potential for funnel clouds and it's weird big storms always seem to happen at the same time, between 3-4 pm, and the other day I ordered more pre-rolls ( joints) and my fave. delivery guy brought it; the Jamaican guy, and he's always so cheerful and says How are ya, Love? and I know he doesn't mean anything by it; it's just the way he talks and he's just being friendly, but I'm not used to people being so nice to me like that and when they are ( just like the surgeon who did my gallbladder when he saw me there waiting in the hallway before he took me off to the OR, said, There's my girl! and it made me feel special) and call me "endearing" names it just makes me feel good, and I also found out zebras are actually mean,too, so now I don't feel bad when they get torn apart by cheetahs and lions anymore.'

My hubby also tried to educate me on Russia even though he's never even been there and I have the background and I told him, Why don't you just stick to science and math and leave history to me,OK? and he even had the nerve to say as well that the land  here doesn't belong to the Indigenous People, even though they were here first and it was stolen from them and the gov't ignored the treaties they signed with them and they shouldn't get it back, and it just made me soooo mad! I really loathe him at times and he just infuriates me so much I can't even stand to look at him and even his laugh pisses me off! Honestly if I could go back in time and just change just one thing it would be that I never even met him; then my life would have been totally different and I wouldn't have had all the traumas, stress, and unhappiness I did.Meeting him was my biggest regret in life.

Wake me up inside (save me) Call my name and save me from the dark (wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (save me) Save me from the nothing I've become.-Evanescence