Because you cannot trust your own self. You can't rely on your perceptions. You don't know how you're going to feel when you wake up tomorrow. You really want and really try to do things right, over and over, but you can't get a fair run at anything because your unpredictable mind keeps on getting in the way. People see your behaviour and, because they don't understand Bipolar1, they judge you as immoral, lazy, attention -seeking, melodramatic, a slut, a junkie, a waste of space.
Every time you think you've got yourself sorted out, a manic episode blindsides you. Because there's a total lack of insight in Bipolar1, you don't recognise it for what it is, no matter how many times it happens. You're flying on a powerful headwind of absolute self-confidence, euphoria and excitement. At first it helps you excel at work, because you're brimming with energy and sparking original ideas. Doesn't take long before energy segues into libido, creativity turns into promiscuity, excelling at work devolves into screwing up everything, tout de suite. Friends colleagues and family you thought understood and cared about you? Can't see em for dust. They're embarrassed and ashamed. You have to walk away from your job because everything's in pieces and you can't fathom what happened.
Add in hallucinations (audio and visual) around this point (the crash) .. it's so lonely and frightening. You're plunging headlong into a severe Depressive episode and your minds playing tricks on you. You cannot tell if it's your mind lying or other people, so you're paranoid about gaslighting. Your memory is in tatters and your concentration is shot. Prepare for around 2 years of blank, black, bleak, abject misery. You can't feel anything except numb. Your 6 months of extravagant, flamboyant, delirious Mania has gone, replaced by many months of Depression. (This is why Bipolar1 used to be called Manic Depressive Psychosis).
It doesn't matter how hard you try, nothing you can try - willpower, exercise, prayer, will affect these symptoms. The only thing that has any effect is Medication, and it often takes several attempts to hit upon the right combination of the right drugs.
Of course, these are my personal experiences - others may have different symptoms, patterns, stories. But essentially, Bipolar1 is a severe and enduring serious mental illness that deserves proper treatment and respect for its sufferers.
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