Still Holding On.

Buddy is still holding on and I wouldn't be surprised if today is the day he finally lets go and dies as today is the 13th and my mother always said that the 13th is a Bad Luck Day for her, not necessarily Friday the 13 but just the 13th in general. He's still not eating( that's 3 days so far) as his body shuts down preparing for death (and now doesn't even want to drink,either)but at least he doesn't seem to be in any pain which is a blessing; he seems to be at peace and just sleeps all the time and it's harder on me because I know what's coming.Sometimes he gets all restless and agitated and wiggly and starts panting( like in the photo above) like he has trouble breathing but for the most part he just sleeps and his head is always tilted to the right side now and he seems almost "trapped" in his body  since the stroke yet he still understands as whenever he hears my voice his eyes "light" up and when I talk to him he lightly whimpers.

 He's also in an altered state of consciousness still and will often go into an even deeper state and I can tell when it's happening as well as his eyelids twitch and shake  and his eyes quickly dart back and forth and his  pupils dilate really big and then his eyes roll to the back of his head and he's unresponsive and zoned-out  and when he comes out of it he'll startle awake and jump, and it breaks my heart to see him slipping away knowing it won't be too much longer now and watching my entire world fading away before my eyes and I know he's dying but knowing and accepting are 2 different things.

When his heart stops so does mine.

Our hearts are synched and both beat together as one.

Each day now feels like an hourglass, where time is quickly running out and it's hard seeing him in an altered state like a zombie, and it's like he's already "gone" almost (at least as he used to be)and it's like he's already starting to "transition" over to the Other Side at times and temporarily leave his body and when he does I can even feel a warm bright light surrounding us and the radio also goes off and turns all static-y as well as I can feel his spirit and energy "shifting" which I find reassuraing yet sad at the same time because I know it's close and he's the best friend I've ever had and no one has ever loved me like he does and he's the best thing that ever happened to me and  losing him will be the worst thing to ever happen. I just hold him close and pet him and tell him how much I love him and beg him to take me with him. God will take him when it's his time and He's ready but I will never be ready.

 It was also - 34 C in Edmonton yesterday and we got a shitload of snow here but now it's raining and  had to go and ruined it all and a Russian plane was confiscated( held hostage) by the gov't here 2 years ago and they even have the nerve to charge them "airport parking fees" too when they do eventually release it and said now it's already 750K! Talk about nerve! It's like charging them ransom! Someone in Toronto also got arrested at a protest for carrying a "terrorist" flag too for "hate speech" but they refused to say which flag it was, not wanting to "advertise" hate but who is to say who is a "terrorist" and who isn't? Who gets to decide and on what grounds, exactly?Just because you happen to disagree with the gov't doesn't automatically make you a terrorist and one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.

You're the reason I live You're the reason I die.-Aerosmith