The earliest incident I had was when, at age 5, I interrupted my parents' conversation saing:
Why do you talk bad about our neighbor? Do you like it when others talk bad about you?
My father turned red with rage and yelled at me, as he had never yelled at anyone, not even at a dangerous dog:
Are you an idiot or what? You, you stop now to get involved in the affairs of elders, do you understand?
How scared I have been, very scared. It was when I started masking that, despite knowing after 51 years that I am autistic, it took me another 8 years to take it off. Or rather, it fell on the day of my son David's death.
Within society until I become expert en surviving I risked my life many times working from job to job, to avoid being called inept, crazy, or guilty of something I never committed. Same in my NTs family environment; when I was able to make decisions for myself I have been to them great at times, and bad for not being full-time that genius, so, as a consequence, I also had to accept the bad treatment, and to avoid it I became submissive. The lack of authority in front of my family members, and transparent communication negatively impacted my neurodivergent son's life.
When things in our lives got complicated, we accused each other of everything you mentioned because we had been led against who we really are, and I mistakenly considered it fair because not fiting in it prevented us from moving forward in this competitive world but not our tribe.
The life of an autistic adult surrounded by neurotypicals is like Einstein's fish.
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