Today's Truth.

 

Re-Post From Last November 2021

 

Minutia.

We got out first official snowfall the other day, a few cm, enough to shovel and it's still here as it's been cold like -10C but supposed to rain later this week and be gone but snow again Sunday. Ever since I had my colonoscopy 6 days ago my pain has also been even worse than usual too; stomach, abdomen,and back, plus  my arthritis is even worse as well and every joint, bone,and muscle just hurts so much everywhere I can hardly even walk and I'm still really thirsty and tired too and sleep 5 hours or so a day.I'm wondering if there's any connection although last time I had it done 4 YRS ago I was fine. My hubby also says naps should be around 20 minutes but it takes me at least that long just to fall asleep and my average nap is 2 HRS; 20 minutes just doesn't do shit,  and I'm just so tired of chronic daily pain and it just keeps getting worse(and it's already been 9 YRS!)  and I'm tired of always hurting and always being in pain every night I pray to God and ask Him to just let me die in my sleep; I just want the pain to end. I wish I was dead as much as my family  does, and I also keep getting e-mails from my travel agent and the cruiselines too enticing me for a much-needed vacation but since I'm not vaccinated with the Mark Of The Beast I've been grounded and my wings have been clipped and I can no longer fly or travel and it's just like rubbing it in and at least before I could fly off somewhere and go on a cruise or stay at a resort  for a week or 2 but now there's NO escape so when it's overhwlming with my toxic family, for example,and I get suicidal and need a break from my life there's nowhere to go and I'm just stuck and that's a very desparate and dangerous  combination.

Since I started taking the Metamucil daily for fibre to ease my colon issues like the doc suggested the pain and cramping is just worse  too as well as the diarrhrea; I can never get a break, and I was out smoking weed the other night and 2 girls were walking by the other side of the fence and I heard one say to the other, yeah, you can smell it... yup, that was me, and I also heard some sort of animal(squirrel? raccoon? bear?) creeping up behind me, rustling in the leaves as it moved, so I held up my lighter and flicked the flame on to scare it away(animals don't like fire): you don't mess around with an old stoner enjoying a good toke! and the 27 YR old asked me how many goals so-and-so scored in the NFL  and I told him, I don't give a shit about redneck hockey!  and he goes, It's football! and I told him, I don't give a shit about redneck football,either!  and he got his hair cut and it looks nice, and my hubby got a Far Side desk calendar as well and I wish he hadn't since I already got  him a chess desk calendar for Christmas that has a different chess problems to solve each day and the rule is he's NOT to buy anything near Christmas time for that exact reason; in case he gets duplicates as gifts, but he broke the rule and di anyway, and I always joke my dowry/bride price was 20$ and he got a half-price special for 10$ and he says he still got ripped-off.

My mother's also been dropping everything lately and says she's weak so I told her to mention it to the doc when she sees him tomorrow but she justbrushes it off with I'm old!  but who knows; maybe something can be done and it's always good to at least mention new symptoms in case it's something bigger,and I notice she uses the wrong words more too and spells wrong, such as on the grocery list instead of writing Chocolate chunk muffins  she wrote chocolate chili  muffins  and instead of coffee(Draco)-her nick-name she put down coffee(Drano) and she also spelled croissant and croisante and I realized as well that all but 2 of my traumas(being molested as a kid and bullied in school) wouldn't have even occurred if I had never met my hubby, and I love my Christmas tree so much I wish I could keep it up all year, and I read a woman wants to divorce her husband as his dick is too big! What? Really? Holy Mother of God! I'd be down on my hands and knees giving thanks and praise! I heard a commercial from California as well saying now the days are getting shorter and it's getting cooler "winter" is coming and I thought, HA! Yeah....riiiiight, you have no idea what winter REALLY is! 

Now our Fascist gov't is also passing a law to make it illegal to protest outside of hospitals and medical clinics( targeting anti-vaccine and anti-abortion protesters) with a 10 YR prison term( off to the Gulag with you, you dissident,you don't have the freedom to have an alternate opinion, to not comply with what the State mandates you , and you don't have the freedom to protest! This is NOT a democracy!) and I also heard a group of 20 Indigenous women( with the numbers growing) have filed a class-action lawsuit against the gov't for sterilizing them without their knowledge or permission while they were having other procedures; forced sterilization; genocide. I hope they win. I Hate this country so much. I'd love to just watch it burn. I hated it before but now it's only gotten sooooo much worse  and due to their totalitarian travel restrictions for the unvaccinated I can't even leave. I feel like a prisoner.

I'm thankful and grateful for the good days and the good times because now they're just memories.

Angel In The Snow.

Amy Sky

Angels In the Snow

When the twilight hour is sparkling and the city's all aglow, come with me my darling to the place we love to go.
When the frost's upon the window, theres a tingle in your toes, to the fields of virgin white for Angels in the snow.
Lying on the frozen ground, arms go up and legs go down.
How it looks so perfect I don't know.
With the snowflakes all around feels like heaven's reaching down to tell us here on earth were not alone.
As the rooftops glisten and your cheeks turn to rose, we will lie in wonder making Angels in the snow.
With the snowflakes all around feels like heaven's reaching down telling us that we are not alone.
The silver moon is shining on the winter world below.
How she'll smile to see us waving our hellos.
And as each season passes, I will watch as your wings grow.
Ill always think of you this way, my Angel in the snow.

When she stopped loving me it not only broke my heart, it broke my spirit.

 

Thought For Today.

 

Silver Fox.

I've always wanted a silver fox coat( like the one here) and in 1985 when I went to Russia I actually did buy the silver fox fur hat  but sadly it was lost in the fire and even though we had $$$$ the coat at the time cost 5 K and my mother said she wasn't going to pay for it; that if I wanted something like that I'd have to pay for it myself so I got a job at Eatons to earn the $$$ but it was horrible and I only lasted 6 weeks so needless to say I never earned enough $$$( and instead got a fuzzy warm black plush jacket made of stuffed-toy material I named my Woobie coat for 90$) but still always longed for the silver fox. over the decades....and the ironic thing is I just recently realized that now I finally have enough $$$ saved up to be able to buy it at long last....except now I have nowhere to actually wear it as I hardly leave the house anymore or go out anywhere other than Wal-Mart  or medical app'ts, hardly the place to wear a fur coat. Before I went out places to wear it but didn't have the $$$ and now I have the $$$ but nowhere to wear it. Doesn't it figure? Plus now there's also the added risk now of animal-rights freaks spray-painting it or something and ruining it,too...Over the years I did eventually have a rabbit fur coat and a muskrat one which I did like but nothing ever compares to the majestic silver fox...

The 28 YR old also likes to walk into town dressed all flashy and "showy" with his classy designer duds and it worries me because the rednecks around here don't dress like that and it'll make him a target; that he'll get swarmed and robbed and even though he knows self-defence( which gives me some comfort) there's still no sense in "asking" for trouble, and it's just like when travelling as a tourist; you don't go around wearing flashy jewellery for the same reason; it makes you a target for thieves, and he said he wanted to buy his boss some ammunition for his Christmas gift too but didn't realize how difficult it was ( you need a license or else get it off the black market)unlike in USA where you can just walk into a Wal-Mart and buy a gun and he had me try this red syrup called grenadine he likes to put in orange juice too and he said it tastes like pomegranite( makes sense since the French word for pomegranite is grenade) only it didn't; it was just sickenly sweet and tasted like cough syrup! Yuck! He was also watching this movie I started watching with him as well where a gang was teaching a robot to be gangsta and instead of saying motherf*cker it got mixed up and kept saying f*ck mother  and it made me laugh.

My mother was also having French fries(seasoned wedge fries) for breakfast and I said, You're having fries for breakfast? and she goes, They're NOT 'fries"; they're seasoned potatoes! and I told her, That's what fries are; seasoned potatoes!  and for someone who once said that she's "not going to let diabetes rule her life" now sets a timer every hour( even during the night) to check her glucose(she's so paranoid it'll drop too low and yesterday it did go down to 2) she's become obsessed by it now, and now I started listening to Christmas music my hubby's now wearing a Christmas shirt each day as well and I heard this stupid commercial say There are bigger things than hockey...yeah...like everything; everything is bigger and more important than redneck hockey! Hockey is one of the most meaningless things there is, and on the news they also said dozens of Indigenous women were sterilized without their consent  during other medical procedures ; just when I think this shithole country can't possibly get any worse and I can't possibly hate it any more than I already do something like this comes along...Genocide. Hitler would be so proud.

I also saw a survey asking women What makes you fall in love with a man?and there were lots of replies and sadly most of them said good looks, money, power, etc. For me it's compassion, kindness, and a good heart. It made me sad to see how so many other women are just greedy, shallow, gold-diggers that just use people but don't actually care about them as a person or what's inside; what really matters. I also made up this for Buddy and I, a couple of old broken down old farts: crepitus for decrepit us.

“Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.” — Leo Tolstoy

 

Powerful Woman.

I believe the act of giving birth to be the single most miraculous thing a human being can do and it is surely the moment when a lot of women finally understand the depth of their power. You think it can’t possibly be done, you think you can’t possibly take the pain, and then you do — and afterward you look at yourself in a whole new way. If you can do that, you can do anything.

~ Ani DiFranco

 

Daily Musing.