Daily Chuckle.

Pap Test.

I finally got my Pap test results and to my surprise they were normal; I don't have cervical cancer, which surprised me actually, esp. considering the blister the nurse found on my cervix plus the heavy foul-smelling discharge,and it would also explain all my symptoms I've had this past year, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't have cancer though, just that I don't have cervical cancer; it still could be some other kind as I suspect, maybe even ovarian cancer, esp. given that I do still have that walnut-sized cyst on my right ovary that continues to grow and get bigger. My doctor isn't worried about it but why does it keep getting bigger though, and how do they know it's just a cyst and not a tumour? Afterall, all I got was an ultrasound for it, and they aren't the most detailed scans and I continue to have the bad abdomenal and lower back pain, the abnormal bleeding, the bloating and severe fluid retention, debilitating fatigue,etc..

  I'm also pretty sure that I had another seizure last night in my sleep and it must have been a pretty good one,too as when I woke up this morning I could see I'd bitten my lip during the night(and why else would I have done that?) and all my muscles are really sore today,too.I just wish they could figure out what causing it all. I bought this really plush, fuzzy, soft blanket and Buddy loves it so much too he stole it....and so did the 24 YR old,too; it went missing and I found it up in his room....wrapped around his naked ass! Ewwww!! That's just so nasty and gross! Now I can't put my face on it anymore!

  The 11 YR old's also being his usual bratty self but I'm the only one who ever says anything about it as both my mother(who is obsessed with him and always excuses him) and my hubby always coddle and excuse him and whenever I say anything they accuse me of always 'picking' on him; this time he lost at a video game the kids were playing so he raged and unplugged the 24 YR old's controller and then he threw the controller and hit him so Buddy barked at him as he doesn't like yelling or any kind of aggression and then he threw a pillow at him and stomped away, hitting the 15 and 17 YR olds on the way by and when I told him off he told me to go kill myself and told my mother to shut up. The 24 YR old calls it his Autistic rages and I don't know what it is but it's very disturbing and he just gets so out of control and says the most disturbing things it really worries me but I'm the only one it seems to concern and in this family I have no say and no authority and I'm always over-ruled and vetoed.

  My hubby also always likes to sabotage my "discipline" with my dog,too, just to confuse him,and to over-rule, sabotage, veto, demean, dismiss, and piss off me. Yesterday,.for example, the 24 YR old had the door open for something so I commanded him to Stay! to keep him safe, so he wouldn't run outside, and so he sat there obediently and stayed....and then just to be a shit-disturber(like always) my hubby tells him, It's ok, go!....GO!...GO!....go outside!" just to take "control" over me, and off he goes..... he is the BIGGEST asshole in the world and he knows my dog means everything to me and he won't even let me have that; he always has to ruin everything for me and take everything I love away from me.

Today's Truth.

My Left Foot.

Well, I finally hauled my ass to the ER for my foot. It only took 4 hours in total which actually isn't that bad considering and it took 30 min. before the Triage nurse even showed up to assess me but they did have a critically ill patient at the back they were all attneding to but it wasn't croded or busy; I went early; at 8 am and I was the first one there actually and then even later there were only 6 of us in total. I did get an X-Ray like I wanted and it turns out I have something called Plantar Fascititis (I hope I spelled that right!) which is basically an inflammation or tear in the ligament or something connecting the heel to the foot and it will just get better on it's own ,in time, up to 6 months to a YEAR! All I can really do is rest it as much as possible, apply ice, take Ibuprophen for inflammation and pain and wear a special orthotic for my foot to take the pressure off my heel and support my arch, which I have now.

  You'll also never guess who I saw there in the hallway while I was waiting for my X-Ray? One of our priests from church! He recognized me first, actually, and at first I didn't know who he was, dressed in jeans and a parka; out of the normal surroundings and context and without his priest robe I knew he looked familiar and my poor brain was trying to recall where I knew him from, and he goes, How's your dog? and I'm like, thinking to myself, Who is this guy,and how does he know Buddy? and then I wondered if maybe he might be one of the neighbours that's seen me walking him or something and then he undid the zipper of his coat and I could see his priest collar....and then, all of a sudden.....zing! I knew who he was.  :D

  The doctor also said that inadequate arch support in the foot is a common cause for this foot disorder and wearing the "wrong" types of footwear and the fact is, I hardly even ever wear shoes. I mostly go around barefoot or in socks and only wear shoes when I go out. I think it's uncultured to wear shoes indoors anyway as it tracks dirt and mud on your carpets,and besides, I've always preferred it more "natural", going around barefoot(I don't like to wear a bra,either) and, in fact, I can even remember my friend D (in Jr. High) calling me Horsefeet because I went around all summer barefoot, even climbing fences barefoot,and if I'm not barefoot in the summer I'm wearing flip-flops, not exactly the best for foor support, and even when I do wear shoes my footwear of choice is my beloved Converse Chuck Taylor hi-tops, also again probably not the best arch support. In any case, the new orthotic really works well and the pain is much less and I can walk more now,too!

  Funny as well: A FB friend commented on my photo here saying about my foot, It really does look swollen! but the thing is it's the bottom of my heel that's the problem and that's just my usual everyday bad edema and fluid retention in my feet, ankles, legs, etc. that I always have, and have had for the past 2 years or so now. Even the ER doctor mentioned it and was concerned about the severity of it saying it's not normal(my own doctor isn't concerned) and when I said I'm on Lasix for it yet still have it this bad she looked shocked. She also said I'm not old enough yet to have arthritis and that it tends to be more in the ankles anyway and not in the heel  and at least the X-Ray ruled out a stress fracture. I was beginning to wonder if I was walking around with a broken heel for the past month, like with my mother's grandfather, who had a broken hip for a week and never knew it; they'd apparantly read the X-Ray wrong and said it was fine...until the radiologist re-looked it over again and saw it was indeed broken a week later.

Wordless Wednesday.

Musing For Today.

I Love This!!

I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants!!

From an open letter to Dr. Laura Schlessinger from James M. Kauffman, Professor Emeritus at the University of Virginia. 
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual "uncleanliness" - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education, University of Virginia.
PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian.

Today's Thought.

My Spirit Animal.

Everyone knows hippos are my fave. animal. I love them and I can so relate to them. If I were an animal, I'd be a hippo. We share so much in common: For example, we both:

1. Have large bodies with big bellies and rolls of blubber.
2. Have big mouths.
3. Love to lay out in the sun.
4. Love being in the water.
5. Can be aggressive if provoked.
6. Are very territorial.
7. Enjoy sleeping.
8. Have fat thick legs.
9. Have a big ass.
10. Don't put up with anyone's shit.
11. Are fearless in defending their homes and families if threatened.
12. Eat alot.
13. Live in large groups but are mainly solitary creatures.
14. Shake the ground when they walk.
15. Are loud.
16. Tend to be grumpy.
17. Are a more formidable enemy than they look.

Laff For Today.

Christmas Ficus.

  I haven't got the energy or stamina to put up the Christmas tree and the kids aren't going to do it, so all I could do was decorate the Ficus tree(pictured here, although it's hard to see in the photo here) with a bit of garland and a few ornaments, so it's our Christmas Ficus. I guess this will have to be our Christmas tree this year. Even just doing that wiped me out and winded me. It didn't take very long but with my debilitating fatigue I was out of breath, sweaty and felt faint and had to go lay down. That's what my life's been reduced to now; I can only do one small task and then I have to lay down and rest in-between.

 

 This is also my Christmaspotamus.I put tinsel around him to make him more festive and now he sits on the coffee table in the livingroom. I just hope and pray that the kids don't "sabotage" him in any way(like they usually do with my stuff). He's borrowed from my hippo collection in my bedroom. I also did the indoor Christmas decor but had to break it up over a 2 day period as it would have just been too much. I did the wreaths one day and the other stuff the next.

 These are also our outdoor Christmas lights. I bet you can even see them from space!I know, the picture if off-centre; something went wrong with it and I hit a wrong key by accident and now I don't know how to get it back. My hubby puts them up every year except last year he went on strike and was too lazy to do it but put the blame on me( like he always does; everything's always my fault) saying I  "ruined" it by taking them down "wrong" even though I was only trying to help(and if he had his way they would still be up there until Easter which is really tacky) but somehow no matter what I do or how good my intentions are, everything always seems to backfire on me and I always get blamed for everything ; the story of my life.

 My mother also said we're waiting until the 23rd for the 22 YR old and her BF to arrive and we're having them put up and decorate the tree for Christmas since his family doesn't celebrate and he's never put up a Christmas tree before and it'll be a whole new experience for him and we want to make it extra special. It'll be weird though, only having it up for 1-2 weeks.It reminds me of one my aunts; she put hers up on Christmas Eve. To me, that just doesn't seem to be long enough to really and truly be able to enjoy it, esp. considering all the work it takes to put it up and take it down.

Musing For The Day.

Our Old House.

When the girls were in Ottawa they drove by our old house and saw it was listed up for sale. For 551 K! Holy shit! We couldn't even afford to live there anymore, or at our old house in Toronto,either! We used to have $$$$ but circumstances change, investments fail, audits happen, the economy crashes, reduction from 2 salaries down to 1, and  things change. Now we just barely get by, struggle to survive and can barely pay the bills. They did many changes since we sold it 15 years ago, and the kids don't even remember it, although the youngest 2 weren't even born yet and the 3rd youngest was only 4 and the only thing she remembers is the little clubhouse my hubby build in the front which is still there. I love the French doors and hardwood they still kept.

Livingroom.The walls used to be blue.

Diningroom, still the same except for the wall; we had it a salmon colour with light pink sheer curtains.

This is my old room(and also where the fire started; you'd never know, right?) and I'm honoured that they still kept my old floral wallpaper, even after all this time and despite all the chages they did make that they liked my wallpaper enough to keep it.

The rec-room. We had the in-wall shelves put in after the fire and it's nice to see they're still there.

This is the outside. The window is new(I like it!) and the stucco has been re-done over the gross tan colour(ours was white) and you can see the little play house beside it my hubby built for our kids when they were young. The oldest was just 14 when we moved. I really liked that house and I never wanted to move and we had a life there, friends, church, homeschooling fellowship,jobs, etc. but dangerous, threatening circumstances forced us to flee. When I first heard our old house was up for sale nostalgia came back and momentarily I had the thought maybe we could move back there but then I remember the reason why we left and had to move and I can never go back there again, not even to Ottawa, the memories would be too painful and traumatic. Then when I saw the price...there's no way we could afford that now. We can hardly afford the house we have now and barely get by and even had to take out a loan just to pay the property taxes. My hubby and mother want to move, to downsize, but we wouldn't make enough $$$$ selling this one to cover the cost of another house and pay moving expenses without taking out more loans, and we don't have the $$$ to pay it back so in reality we can't even afford  to move. If they do move, I just hope I die before. I hate moving; it's such a stress, hassle and expense, and besides, I loathe packing!!

As well, my cousins just got back from another 2 week cruise to the Caribbean(which is my fave. place, and my Happy Place, and when I die that where I want my ashes to be scattered, at the beach. I've been there several times and have been to most of the islands) and a few months ago spent 2 months in Australia,and this time they all went, my cousin and her hubby, all 3 of their kids and spouses, and all 9 grandchildren. They're lucky and cruise 4 times a year! I used to go once a year (last year I went to Cuba....solo....best time ever....and other times with my mother and others with the kids) and have been to 36 countries, but now we're so broke we just don't have the $$$$ anymore. I do want to go to Jamaica (Bob Marley country!) before I die though. That's on my Bucket List.

My Aunt's Shortbread Recipe.

My Aunt used to make the best shortbread in the world, the good old-fashioned Scottish kind which is mostly all butter. She died before we could get the recipe but I asked my cousin and she had it, so here it is:

Daily Truth.

Feet Porkchops.

 My foot pain is so bad now it keeps getting worse and I can't bear weight on it and can hardly walk and when I do I limp along and wince and gasp, Ow! Ouch! F*ck! as I hobble along. Even Ibuprophen doesn't give me any relief even though it's supposed to help both inflammation and pain. The only thing that brings even a bit of temporary relief is laying down and placing a frozen porkchop on my heel until it turns numb and there's no feeling, bringing a bit of relief from the pain but even then it only lasts about 15 minutes or so but it's still better than nothing. Before you gross-out, it's not a piece of meat directly on my bare foot; it's inside a plastic baggie, so it's not like some sort of feet porkchop. I know I should probably go to the hospital but I really don't want to sit all day in the ER waiting, plus, knowing how half-assed they are here in Bumble-F*ck they probably won't even do an X-ray anyway so I'll still be no further ahead anyway. It actually feels like it might be broken, the heel bone, it hurts so much, although I have no idea how, and that time I tripped and fell going up the stairs and landed on that chair around the end of October I landed on the other side,anyway, not on the side with the sore foot.....I still keep hoping and waiting it'll just get better on it's own if I wait long enough...I guess it'll be a battle who wins...what wins out...time or it gets too much to bear and I give in to the pain at last...

  I also often have this sick feeling that Buddy's dying; I hope he's really not, but rather just because he's old( he'll be 13 in February) and he's really aged over the past couple of years, esp. grey on his face and paws. I just hope he outlives me though regardless and that I die before him. He's my best friend and I love him so much I don't even want to live without him. He is my everything in life and my reason to keep going. He's also the only one that loves me so if he dies I'll have nobody and I'll be so lost and all alone. I know if I die he'll be sad,too(in fact, he'll be the only one that will; everyone else will be glad and probably even throw a party and celebrate) but at least he'll still have others that love him, but when he dies I'll have no one to love me anymore.

Joke For Today.

Today's Thoughts.