Musing For Today.

 

Foctober.

F*ck!

Tomorrow starts October already!

F*ck and October.....Foctober....get it?

Luckily it's still nice and warm out( in the 20C's) and we can still sit outside,at least for now,anyway.If I'm lucky maybe it'll even stay warm and I can even be outside all October,too? Today is also National Truth & Reconciliation Day  also known as Orange Shirt Day, a day to reflect on the indignities done to Indigenous People in horrific gov't and church run Residential Schools in this shithole and I'm wearing my orange shirt today and it's even an official one sanctioned by the First Nations too and says Every Child Matters on it. At first I coudn't find it, frustrated saying, I'm not looking around all over for it! but I eventually did find it, all crumpled up under a pile of other shirts, all wrinkled but otherwise ok. My hubby always wears bright orange shirts every day anyway as that's just his fave. shirt(and he likes to stand out) so it's nothing unusual for him and he jokes that everyone's celebrating him today. He's still limping around with his torn toe tendon as well and when I asked him if he's skipping playing pickleball tonight to give it time to rest and heal he goes, I'm not sure but that would be the smart thing to do... and yesterday as I was dumping out the massive amount of wasps and flies into the toilet bowl from the hanging trap to flush away as I cleaned them he saw all the flies in there and it just grossed him out so much he actually started gagging and wretching and it was just so funny it cracked me up and I told him to "Man-up" and to "Grow a pair."😂 he has such a "weak" stomach and is such a pussy! HA!

My friend P( from grade 6) is also in Greece now, in Athens, Santorini, Crete, and Mykonos,.  and Santorini is one of my all-time fave. places I've ever been to and I've also been to Athens, and Patmos, and the 29 YR old's ex-GF and her new hubby and parents are also supposed to be relocating from California to North Carolina...except the same part they planned on( and already ended their rental lease and have the movers booked and everything loaded) was badly damaged from that hurricane so now they're not sure what to do and where to go now but at least they have $$$ though so they'll be ok and that makes all the difference,, and of all the places I've been to (39 countries so far)the ones I never want to go back to are Florida( too humid and too many rednecks), Finland( boring and too much like here) and Egypt( waaaay too hot and too many beggars and people always pestering you) and Israel also even admitted to killing several Hezbollah commanders and yet they're still bombing the shit out of Lebanon and killing innocent civilians so I wonder what their excuse is for it now? Someone has to stop them before they take over the entire Middle East and start a regional war, and my hubby also paid 20$ for what's basicaslly just 2 pieces of Velcro to support his sore toe when he could have just done the exact same thing with medical tape which costs much less.

Catch your dreams before they slip away Dying all the time Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind Ain't life unkind?-The Rolling Stones

 

Autism Ain't Easy.

I saw this on Quora  and it describes what having autism is like and how it relates to others and how it's treated by others:

Madeline O'Keefe

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1h

What is life like as an adult with autism?

Being expected to do the same exact things as people without autism and being treated like shit when you can’t live up to their expectations because - you know - we have a disability, it’s just invisible so nobody cares. Having to wear a mask 24/7 due to living in a society where being different is seen as unacceptable. Feeling like a burden anytime you need extra help because people still refuse to try to understand autism and how it affects people and will shame you for needing the help. Having to jump through hoops to even have your condition “officially” recognized and diagnosed, because it isn’t hard enough just having autism, you also need to “prove” that you have it in order to even get help. Good luck if you don’t have health insurance, money, reliable transportation to get to appointments, or even a center in your area that can do the required testing. All the while you still have autism, officially diagnosed or not, which makes all of those things way harder to do. Living in a society where the common belief is, "Well I can do it so that means everyone else can too.” I haven’t scratched the surface of the actual disability itself and its symptoms, such as the social isolation, the feeling of not belonging, the confusion of the world around you and its people, the sensory issues. I haven’t mentioned the positives either, such as the intense interests that give life purpose, the way music makes me feel alive, my dry sense of humor and perspective that makes people laugh. It isn’t all dreary, but it does get bogged down by the stuff I mentioned.

And the reality that many will read my words and not even feel a hint of empathy. They think, "Others have it worse, so you should just deal with it." They lack the willingness to understand; they label it a 'victim mentality' rather than recognizing it as the actual experience of many. They think of empathy as a currency that they cannot afford to extend to us.

 

Life-Crushing Bipolar.

I found this on Quora and it sums up perfectly what life with,and living with bipolar is like:

Sally Alter

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Survived 56 years of Bipolar Disorder.Updated 1y

Has bipolar destroyed your life?

Bipolar 1 disorder has had me gripped in its talons since I was 15. I am now 71 and not doing any better, but doing worse every day despite many med. changes and years of therapy.

It is truly disheartening.

Bipolar disorder wrecked my education completely, and I was never able to hold down a good job (like many people in my position). As soon as my family discovered I had this illness you couldn’t see them for dust. I have only one brother left who stands by me no matter what shit I throw at him. Without him, I would be alone in a sinking boat.

I made a holy mess of three marriages because of my bipolar disorder; lying in bed all day for weeks, then jumping over the moon with uncontrollable mania, and now that the ‘happy’ manic days are long gone I am left with being in a permanent state of rage, rage, rage every single day. Luckily, I live alone and only get mad with myself. But I have got through many phones because they don’t like being thrown against the wall very much.

I cannot make or keep friendships going. I have no idea why, but have to suspect that my bipolar disorder scoots them off just like my family before them. I rack my brains over this issue daily and always come up wanting.

My bipolar 1 (the only type of the disease that has mania) has totally ruined every holiday I have ever taken. It is a guarantee that as soon as I leave my house and go anywhere I shall be desperately ill and muck up the holiday for me and everybody else around me. It is not seen as grateful to be unable to get out of bed for days in somebody’s house, and they lose respect for me rather quickly when I start screaming and hollering which is something that comes hand in hand with mania.

My life is one big struggle and I am totally sick of it.

However, I am a very creative person and have done many creative things in my life. The only problem with this is I am only creative during my manic episodes - out come all the books, paints, brushes, poetry and literary projects, DIY tools and whatever else takes my fancy - then before I know it I have so many ideas bombarding my brain at once that I soon have ten or more projects on the go, piles of things all over the house, ladders and tools at the ready.

This is all very well when I am manic because I can accomplish an enormous amount of things, but as soon as the mania is suddenly over, the next day I am back in bed with depression and cannot even think clearly enough to make a cup of coffee. All the projects sit in piles for months, unfinished.

I am still working on myself, daily. I have had therapy for more years than I can remember and apply myself to any number of things hoping that my life will become more manageable, but so far it is just a mess.

Today I am very thankful to feel pretty well, but then there’s always the fear of what is in store for me tomorrow, so it is never easy to relax. With bipolar disorder comes chronic anxiety and panic attacks, at least for me, so it is never easy to live a normal life and sleep is usually a waking dream.

I do make a huge effort to manage my days wisely, and perhaps it does some good, but even then it is annoying that people with bipolar can never let their guard down. If you aren’t forever looking over your shoulder, you can be sure the bipolar Gods will send a new thunderbolt to crush you while you sleep.

8/15/20 … UPDATE

Thank you for reading this till the end. I just re read it myself and realize how drastically things have changed over the past year for me. I finally found the right medication after many years of trying. Now I feel quite different, hopeful and happy. I no longer have problems with friendships and have completely stopped worrying about it. My life is on an even keel now and I hardly have a ‘bipolar day’. The reason for this big change is getting the right medication and having good therapy. I wish you luck.

 

Thought For The Day.

 

Ozempic Face

I visited my mother yesterday and the first thing she said was I really missed you! It's been 2 weeks! I was surprised, and it's sad to think as well that when I die she won't have anyone to visit her anymore because I'm the only one that visits her.I hope she'll be ok. I also brought her pretty pink carnations which she loved and kept raving about and she said I won't be having a funeral so I want to be able to enjoy flowers while I'm still alive  and it made me think of the same thing,too, and I'm also going to be cremated and that way no one can spit on or dance on my grave,either, or desecrate it in any way.. There was also this really hot PSW this time and he was such a hunk that I couldn't help but notice(and as they say, He made me moister than an oyster) and even though he was so young and I'm old I'm still not dead yet and later she said to me, Isn't he cute? and I replied, My God, YES!! and to emphasize I "bit" down on my fist, ha,ha.

 She also said the lady in the room next-door is 104( she must be the oldest resident there) and someone across the hall died and that someone dies there usually about once a month.  She also expected us to just go out right away and get another lotion she likes as she ran out too even though she said she ran out 2 weeks ago and she should have told us then(we just got groceries Friday!) and then I could have brought it to her yesterday so now she just has to wait until the next visit.You can also see from the photo here since my weight loss I have more saggy-baggy skin on my neck hanging loose now,too, but hey, at least I'm not so fat!

My friend F( from grade 6) his daughter and her new hubby are also on their Honeymoon in Hawaii and Buddy and I enjoyed pumpkin spice Cheerios (he loves pumpkin,too!)just as a snack(but now we both keep shitting!) and I had enough I even gave some to the squirrels,too, discovered a funny new insult: chuckle-f*ck, and my hubby has a headache that really bothers him as well and he( like my mother) rarely gets them( unlike me, who is prone to them) and I told him if he thinks mere headaches are bad he should try a migraine; it's like the difference between being shot at with a pellet gun or having your head blasted apart with an AK-47 and he blames the Boomers for everything being so unafforable for the Milennials as well and for them not being able to afford homes, saying that the Boomers  are now "hogging up" all the financial resources with their old-age pensions, taking up the medical care, LTC homes,etc. and I reminded him that they also worked their entire lives  and contributed to it and paid taxes and are now entitled to get something back out of it and it's just more of the same young people whining and blaming their parents and the older generations for all their problems.

I move on and start over, the same thing I've always done, over and over again.

 

Today's Truth.

 

Helene.

Hurricane Helene(I had a slut neighbour named Helene once too and she was a real bitch,too) hit Florida and other  Southern US states badly. It was a Cat 4 storm and people were warned if they didn't evacuate that it would be "unsurvivable" , the "Hurricane of the Century",and to mark on their bodies with permanent marker their ID like they do in Gaza so that rescue and recovery workers could ID their bodies. My pharmacist friend in WV also has a house in Georgia and this  is the damage the hurricane caused to her car and house(photo here and below) wow...just wow...and holy shit,too! We don't have hurricanes here( tornadoes, yes, but not hurricanes) although my mother did say that once before there WAS one rare one back in the 1950's when she was a kid named Hurricane Hazel that was quite bad and she still remembers to this day and she's 83 now. Yesterday as I was sitting outside ( it was 21 C, mild for this time of year still) a dragonfly also landed on me I thought was nice. One of my friends also has 2 kids, a boy and a girl and their names are Alexander and Alexandra which I think is kind of odd considering it's basically the same name, just male and female versions and no, they're not twins, just siblings.

Today I still have that blinding headache I had yesterday and ever since I woke up I also feel like I'm on "auto-pilot", sort of "spacey" , woozy,and out-of-my-body and extra "aware", and yesterday I read that this sounds like the "aura" people often get before Temporal Lobe Seizures, and I DO know that at times I feel sort of "detached" at times and hear a "buzzing" sound or smell a "burned" smell( which are also indicators a seizure is oncoming) and inside my mind I say to myself, "I'm going 'in' now" but never made the connection, so who knows....the past 2 days I also have this weird sort of "metallic" taste in my mouth too, sort of like blood except it's not.Yesterday it also felt like there was something sharp stuck in the left side of my throat.

Last night I also  stepped in a biiig warm squishy shit on the floor in the dark hallway with my bare feet that I didn't see and it all squished and oozed in-between my toes( and I was at a commercial break watching the news as well, not a good time) and I was just sooo grossed-out ( 'thank you" so "much" for that Buddy) and I was struggling to get stuff in the freezer but everything kept falling out and my hubby walks in and instead of helping me he makes some smart-ass remark and when I asked him why can't he just help instead of criticize he scoffs, because you wouldn't appreciate it,anyway! and walks off. I know, what an asshole, right? I also like this quilted dress pictured below, and there was this lottery I saw on a commercial( I don't do those things as gambling is a sin) and you could pick either a Porsche and a trip to Hawaii or 100K as the prize and I'd take the $$$ since I've already been to Hawaii( I loved it, yet again I can't imagine anyone going to Hawaii and thinking it sucked) and I don't drive plus we already have a car and we could really use the $$$ to get much-needed house repairs done.

And when you walk into her eyes, you won't believe The way she's always paying For a debt she never owes And a silent wind still blows That only she can hear and so she goes.-Skylark

 

Weekend Words.

"Music is life." -Bob Marley

Sad but true.

Hypocrites!

In the Caribbean.

I always thought "body count" meant how many people you've killed.😂

This must be in the UK!😂

I'm Eeyore only I don't get included.

I will always be nothing to others and talked about no matter what.-Dustin