Monday Musings.

Daily Musing.

The Balcony Railing, Stage 1.

My hubby finally started to put up the balcony railing.(you can see the "rungs" or whatever-the-hell they're called, I call them rungs, seen here) He said the most time-consuming is the painting. He says there's about 100 of the rungs! His youngest brother( who is my age) also came over to help. It was funny,too because the 16 YR old heard this voice she didn't recognize and then heard the 2 of them chatting away up on the roof and thought to herself, Wow, Papa and the roofer guy sure became fast friends! not realizing at first that it was his brother and they're known eachother all their lives! Ha, ha!

Here is the beginning, the frame on the balcony. That's all they got put up so far but as long as it's up before it snows.....and they say this week is actually supposed to be nice and warm again (Indian Summer?) around 17C to 20 C! Yay! Perfect! So he can be out working on that and I can get back outside and maybe even get some sun/tan!

It's funny with his brother,too; he and I have so much in common; it's almost like we're twins: we both love Bob Marley and like art, creativity, and have the same tastes in music, are both off-beat and different, Hippies, march to the beat of our own drum, have both struggled, both like the ganja, share the same ideals in life, etc....he and I have more in common than my hubby and I do....it's like I got with the wrong brother! HA! I would very much one day like to hang out with him on the porch and smoke a bowl; I really need a friend,someone I can talk to on a deeper level, esp. since Patti and I broke up last year (after she used me!!) and my fave. priest is leaving ( and he is the most kindest,compassionate person I've ever met, and he's a grest listener,too and has always been there to console me thru all my shit and he really cares) and I'll feel all alone . I need someone I can confide in.

He told me something really awful too and since my family doesn't know this blog even exists it's a safe place so here goes, I can unload and vent:

He said years ago when his dad was declining his sister ( who I never trusted ever since she kidnapped our second-oldest when she was 9 months old because she had 4 boys and was unable to have more kids and wanted a girl so she stole mine and my hubby helped her and they stole her off to another town and I had to get the courts involved, incl. an emergency court-order from a judge and police to apprehend her, it was like in one of those movies) and her son drugged the dad so he'd not be of "sound mind" and they tricked him into signing over stuff so they could STEAL $$$$$ FROM HIM so they wouldn't have to work!!!!!! I mean, what sort of scumbag does  such a thing? Stealing money from an old man, and from your own father and grandfather? Shit, no wonder he doesn't trust anyone in his family, and I always thought they were white trash and losers!

Here is yet another mysterious bruise I woke up with, this time on my leg. It's weird too esp. since my blood work showed my platelets were normal, so it's not that. I also still regularly wake up with sore swollen bumps on the back of my head. Why does this keep happening? I wonder what it could be? I also have sharp chest pain so is it heart-related or maybe I do have breast cancer? The chest pain lately feels like sharp pains and also a tightness, and like I'm trying to breathe thru a straw plus a burning sensation and my sore stomach feels like when you have really bad constipation and my lower back like there's something hard pressing on it, like in the late stages of pregnancy and the baby's big hard head is pressing hard on your spine.

Thought For The Day.

CVD.

I was checking over my blood work results again and this time I also noticed my cholestral was high. This is weird since I don't have a high cholestral diet: I don't eat red meat ( I only eat chicken as I don't like beef and pork hurts my IBS) and I hardly ever have fried food, greasy food, and I never have butter(due to my lactose intolerance) etc. and I'm on medication for it so my guess is it must be genetic ( esp. since my mother does have it,too) or possibly due to my failing liver. In any case it was red-flagged as high-risk for CVD,

OK, what's CVD? I Googled it.

Cardio-vascular disease.

That means heart-attack and stroke.

shit.

My hubby also has a few days overtime off work and yesterday would have been the perfect time to work on the balcony railing( you know, before it snows and I'm already not adjusting to the cold and I never will) with a day off and he says he never has time but he did, but instead of working on the railing he goes off and plays cards! He says him and his brother will be working on it today. I sure hope so. If they do I'll post photos of the completed project. Finally. On the 18th (when the 24 YR old turns 25!) the 24 YR old goes to Belgium (Antwerp) to visit friends and the 16 YR old goes to London to visit an older sister. When he was 11 and his oldest brother was 16 I took them across Europe, incl. Belgium( we went to Brugges and Ghent) only he hardly remembers it because they slept thru most of it not being able to adjust to the time change.

My bipolar is getting worse now,too; the Shadow People are back again and also the auditory hallucinations which are usually me hearing someone call my name, or hearing loud clear conversations that aren't there, or dull muffled talking. It really messes with my head. I've also had mysterious bruising show up on my body, daily headaches, a bad old man-style cough for months now ( maybe I smoke too much weed, ha, ha) dry itchy skin, nose, mouth, eyes and extreme thirst, and my Rheumatoid arthritis is so bad lately I'm so stiff and sore I have to wake up during the night to turn over and even my fingers are so stiff and painful I can hardly even move them and sore flank/lower back on the right side. I feel like an old broken down jalopy!

As well, yesterday I ran a virus scan on my computer and it said I had to shut it down and re-boot to complete so I did( and I hate because it always takes forever and waiting isn't my strong suit, ha,ha) and then it said I had to remove my old iTunes and re-install a new one, so OK, I did that....and that's when the problem began; the update somehow changed how I get my songs and sync it to my iPod; the usual way didn't work and I had to call the 12 YR old (who is some sort of uber-genius) to come help me, which he did but he kept yelling at me and belittling me(he's just like his father) telling me how stupid I am. It took over an hour before it would finally work and I was beyond frustrated and I told him to stop being so mean. I told him I can't help being stupid but he can help NOT being so mean.

Today's Laff.

I Surrender.

I surrender.....but NOT without a fight. I didn't surrender willingly.

It's just been sooooo cold lately, 6 C to 9C and tonight it's even going down to 0 C so I finally surrendered. I put away my flip-flops, shorts and T-shirts and I closed my bedroom windows. I now wear long-sleeve shirts, long pants and socks. I'm just so cold all the time when I take Buddy out for his walks ( it's now too cold to be able to be outside otherwise; our outside days are over, now we hibernate indoors until spring, waaah!) my fingers, toes and tip of nose are cold and I'm always shivering now and have goose-bumps, I need to go back to Jamaica! So to try and combat the cold my ammunition is this fuzzy warm new blanket (see photo above) I bought. It was outrageously expensive for just a blanket but I HATE being cold, and oh, yeah, the furnace even came on last night,too! I am SO not ready for this!!! Not now, not ever!

Shit.

As well, the 12 YR old got his eye ultrasound and they said they'll phone with the results, and I got my blood work done at the lab,too and as usual it shows my liver and kidneys continue to deteriorate(no surprise there)  and I was called Sir again, another thing that happens often and comes with being ugly, and it's not just because of my short hair,either, it's my ugly masculine FACE; I keep my hair shorts because it rounds out my face more; when it's long it makes it look even more big, long,and narrow, and even with long hair I still look like a drag queen anyway so I might as well just do what I like because I'm still ugly anyway.

This is also the cute little house I like close-by church. It recently got sold and renovated. I always look at it when I go by, fantasizing I live there so recently it went up for rent so naturally I had to go online and see how much they're asking and - mein Gott im Himmel- rent is 2500$ a month! Holy shit! There's no way anyone's going to pay that, esp. around here. That's outrageous, this isn't Toronto! I remember when rent used to be 600$- 900$. This is insane; mortgage payments are less than that monthly! My mother also belittled me again saying I don't help her.No.....I just do all the work around the house instead of dividing it up.....but I DON'T HELP her? Then she goes I don't help her, implying physically, but I can't help it I'm not physically strong enough to lift or carry her or bear her weight and I know if I tried we'd both go down and she weighs more than I do! I also bring her food and drinks....I replied, What more do you want? Do you expect me to wipe your  ass too? and she's just playing it up and taking advantage of it, acting helpless like an infant when the doctor said all that's wring is a slightly bruised knee. That's it; nothing's broken, has cancer, or needs to be replaced. She's just "milking" it for all it's worth.She loves the attention, being waited on, and not having to do anything but I won't be manipulated for that and I'm sick and tired and angry that nothing I do is ever enough, never good enough.