The Restaurant.

Yesterday my hubby and I went out to the nice Indian place and had our early anniversary dinner, or rather, lunch, because he doesn't have any time in the evening this week to go and they're closed Mondays when the actual date is. So we went but the either owner or manager or whoever he was said the Tandoor oven hadn't been fired up yet for our Tandoori chicken and it would take something like 3-4 hours until it would be ready except we didn't have that much time as he had to get back for his Dungeons & Dragons game as he's always pressed and restricted for time, but the guy said he could still cook us chicken breast that would still taste the same, like Tandoori chicken......except that it didn't; it was just a dried up, leathery chicken breast that had no flavour and just tasted like plain 'ol broiled chicken. What a disappointment and the story of my life. I always look forward to things and end up disappointed and let down. We also had samosa, Malligatawny soup and raita. and I ordered a mango lassi which is basically an Indian mango smoothie. The chicken was so dried out and hard this time when we brought the Doggy Bag back home we actually did give it to the dog instead of giving the left-overs to the kids or eating it later for a meal ourselves.....but even the dog didn't eat it so that tells you something since he, you know, licks his ass and balls, which, apparantly, must taste better...

I also quickly went to the mall after and I noticed how I was really dizzy, sweaty and felt faint (like I often do) but also I kept tilting to the left side, my left hand was twitching and I had blurry vision. I know something's definitely going on here, but what? I again Googled my increasing perplexing symptoms and other possible causes I got were MS and LBD, which cause ataxia and it continues on and makes me wonder: what is it that's causing this? All I know is I keep deteriorating and my motor function and muscles, liver and kidneys keep getting worse and worswe yet no one seems to know why or what's causing it but I continue to decline and develop more symptoms...

This is also the Bob Marley lava lamp I got for my birthday gift from my hubby. I first saw it when I was in Jamaica and liked it but didn't want to risk if I could get it safely home in one piece; it's made of glass and the airlines aren't ecatly known for being genteel with baggage so I didn't want to chance it and I looked all over here and they have lava lamps byt not this one so I go online and Amazon and the Rasta places I go to did have it but it's out of stock and eBay has some but I don't trust them; who's to say I won't get ripped-ff; that I send them the $$$ and I never get my order, but I did find one last place that had them, at twice the price mind you, but they were the only one that carries it, so what can you do...we all have to pay for the important things in life. Back to the store: I also bought a new- shhhhh- vibrator( a really BIG one,too!) when I was there( in my ardentness it broke, all the rubber "skin" tore off it; I'm an animal....what can I say, ha, ha) and the lady at the cash says very loudly, much to my embarrassment.This take double-A batteries. Do you want to purchase some? and I just cringe and whisper, croaking softy, No, thanks, I already have some at home. I'm also glad when I emerged from the store carrying the bag my hubby(or anyone else) didn't ask what I bought. Whew! and I was able to successfully smuggle it up into my bedroom without any drama.

The other day I was in the bathroom as well and the 16 YR old walks by and scoffs, What's the horrible smell? I can't even go in that bathroom anymore! and my hubby cruelly goes, It's probably YOUR MOTHER!! which just broke my heart and crushed me. I know my pee smells really bad, strong and like cat piss with my failing kidneys and it's embarrassing but I can't help  it and it's not nice to shame and ridicule me for it. They're just bullies and I've had enough of being shamed, bullied, made fun of, laughed at, mocked, and the butt of jokes for my entire life for being different, for being disabled, for having difficulties, for not being like other people, for thinking outside the box, for doing my own thing and going my own way, for not following the crowd, for thinking for myself, for being :weird", for not "fitting in", etc. and now even my own family picks on and insults me too, which is even worse. I wish I could just be free and now I just live on memories and go into my head to a place where I was happy. My mother also always runs over people's feet(or the dog) with her walker too; she's a menace and thinks everyone should get out of her way ,not that she also has to watch out to see no one's in the way and last night she somehow(I'm still not sure how) she ran over her OWN foot! I just laughed, thanked the universe for KARMA.

Daily Thought.

Potassium.

I had a thought: maybe my symptoms( mainly really sore back, esp. in kidney area, stiff, sore muscles mainly legs and arms, extreme fatigue, dehydration and even a squeezing and twinges in my chest ,etc.) may mean my potassium level is really low again like it was before and they put me on potassium supplements. Last time they didn't know why it would be so low although there was an issue with my adrenal gland plus the always deteriorating kidneys and this time I think because I'm taking both a diuretic( for my massive swelling and fluid retention which is also likely due to either my kidney or liver issues or possibly both) and laxatives every couple of days due to my constipation and the only way I'm even able to shit otherwise.....could be...in any case I'll just have to eat potassium-rich foods like kiwis and bananas and I'll mention it to the doctor when I see her for my post-surgery check-up in 2 weeks. I also came across a genetic disease called EDS that could possibly also explain things: with it you have really flexible limbs( for example I can still bend my thumb all the way down to my wrist) and it can cause break down in your muscles and it does literally feel like something's eating away my muscles....I'm just trying to figure out what might be causing all my ailments....

Yesterday 3 guys also came to clean out our furnace ducts and we have 23 of them so it took them almost 3 hours and it was really noisy too and sounded like either sandblasting or a really loud hair dryer and it scared the bejesus out of poor Buddy and they said the vents were really dirty but the house is over 100 years old so it's to be expected I guess, and I'm sick of my mother and the kids always leaving their dirty dishes and food all over too so I picked up her plastic cups off the table and threw them out in the garbage which was just right beside the table( I mean, how lazy can you be?) and then she got mad at me and yelled,. Those are supposed to go in recycling, NOT garbage! I have to PAY for garbage, recycling is free! and I told her if she wasn't such a pig and slob, and it's not up to me to clean up after her and she should be cleaning up her own mess.....see what I mean....no matter what I do I always get blamed somehow.

These are also our outdoor Christmas lights, and I went online to Saks because I heard they had cashmere sweaters reduced 65% and I remember having cashmere as a teen and my mother saying she had them growing up as well but they were still in the 300$-800$ range even reduced but there's no way I can afford that anymore now I'm poor; we no longer have the $$$$ we once did, but at one time we used to roll like this: one of my mother's friends in Toronto married either the president or CEO( I don't remember which) of Canadian Tire and one of my cousin's sister married into the Chateau Gay wine family and another cousin married into the Rothmans cigarette family, and then another cousin married the Mob Don and they live in Monaco....I really miss my old life and lifestyle...funny too: I remember when the 25 YR old was little he called eggnog chicken milk because in French it's Lait Du poulet which literally translates as Milk of chicken, or chicken milk.

My mother told me as well that my hubby told her that the 16 YR old won't be moving to Vancouver after Christmas as originally planned as her and her sisters weren't able to get the place they wanted and having trouble finding an apartment( and the 25 YR old said all 3 of them would need to earn 2500$ each per month to even be able to just barely survive, and they're students with part-time minimum wage jobs and Vancouver is even more expensive to live than Toronto...I know...hard to believe) but when I asked her she said it wasn't true. To be honest though I wouldn't mind, having her here longer; I'm not ready to let her go yet and wasn't expecting it this early...

They also keep pushing everyone to get their flu vaccines which we never do as everyone we've known that's had it always has bad reactions to it and even end up in the ICU and we just take our 50% chance and generally only get the flu iteself every 10 years or so and it makes me wonder though why though the gov't so aggressivly pushes this, I mean, they don't really care about the people's well-being or give a shit, so what's really in those vaccines it makes me wonder: are they doing some kind of mass sterilization or putting implants of some sort in to track people, maybe it's even  the Mark Of The Beast mentioned in the Bible? In any case I don't trust it or their motives.

Chuckle For The Day.

This is soooo me. I am a living, breathing, walking meme.

Nails.

Last night I got my nails done(like I always do over the holidays) at this new salon in town the 16 YR old goes to and for the first time ever the lady doing it wasn't Vietnamese but Causasion! I won't be going back though as I wasn't happy with it. My mother sneered, Are you ever happy? but it's just that I have certain expectations and standards I expect to be met and I did pay 60$ for it afterall so I want it to be right. Normally all the other times I had it done in Kingston(where I normally go) they'd glue on the artificial nail tips and then do the arcrylic gel thing and then the polish but this time she basically made the nails by applying the gel thing with a paint brush and using these stickers to measure and it took forever and they ended up uneven and not the same length and longer than I requested and they were clear and see-thru like glass so when the polish went on you could still see thru them!(as seen in the photo above) I never like actually getting them done either as having Asperger's it makes me very uncomfortable having a stranger touching my hands like that but I endure it to get the end result.

So once I got home I had to fix them the way I wanted it myself, like I always had to do when I got home from the hair salon( which is why I cut my own hair now, plus I haven't got the $$$ for monthly haircuts anymore now either) I had to file them shorter and put another polish over them, a darker shade that covers the clear glass look. The salon lady remembered the 16 YR old too as we have the same unique last name so she figured we were related and she said hers were the longest nails she's ever done( she has the tacky ghetto really long pointy Dragon Lady talons) and she said her 12 YR old really admired the 18 YR old when she used to work at the store with her multi-coloured hair and style and said she's the coolest person she's ever met which I thought was awesome and she'd love to hear. I mean, who wouldn't want to hear a nice compliment like that?

Here are my nails after I fixed them. Much better.While I was at the salon having them done my mother and hubby went to the grocery and wouldn't you know it, they didn't get any of my stuff I had on the list....either that or they got the wrong stuff, same thing that always happens; these things always happen to me so now I have no food all week; they didn't have my turkey/almond/havarti/cranberry wrap, and the subs were supposed to be turkey but they got the salami and ham ones and with my IBS I can't eat pork, and I had written down OIKOS chocolate banana yogurt and they just got banana, etc...and then my mother yelled at me for being disappointed, mad, and pissed-ff because this always happens to me even though they're the ones that f*cked up and she screams at me, Oh, shut the f*ck up! and I always have a hard time each day getting the 12 YR old to eat and do his school work and I asked my hubby to step in and step up and tell him to do it since he doesn't listen to me and instead of being a parent and backing me up he yells at me  to shut up and calm down! WTF? He thinks I'm lazy, entitled,and useless and he never backs me up with the kids or disciplines the kids and always sabotages me whenever I do. I hate my family. I never have any allies, back-up, support, or anyone on my side. I'm always so alone.

These are also my leggings and I posted them on my Older Stoners group on Facebook and everyone loved them and one guy said all I need is the shirt, but I have it actually, and the socks to match too and I have the blanket as well,and my hubby hates it when I wear them but I have to tolerate it when he always wears his shirts with nerdy stuff on it, like scientific formulas and such that no one even understands or childish things like comic book characters, so too bad. I can wear what I want too and I don't need his "permission" for anything. The 12 and 16 YR old also purposely tortured me by blasting the song Santa Baby (I hate as it's so greedy and against the spirit of Christmas giving) on both Alexa and Google Home(and both devices hate eachother and are always having some sort of turf war) so I just ended up unplugging it and put on my headphones and blasted up my own music to drown them out. I don't need their crap and am not putting up with their shit. 

This is also a cool collage of Buddy the 12 YR old made and I had a dream last night a hitman came after me and he kicked Buddy too so I managed to grab him and get out of the house and escape and kidnap my mother and she was actually trying to protect and shield me but I bet in actual life she'd give me up in a second, and she always says how I "dwell" on the negative but it's hard not to when that's what I usually get in life the majority of the time with my bad luck, with nothing ever working out or going right for me, having to do everything 5-6 times before it finally works out and goes right( no wonder everything always takes me so long!) always getting the broken defective product or the one with missing pieces, getting the wrong thing, etc..it's what I've learned to expect in my life, but I do try to be positive though and always try to look for something good in each day, like today for example: I get to enjoy the beauty of a pretty snowfall, I have a TV show,and I get my heavy metal show on the radio tonight. I do try and find joy in the Little Things, in anything I can, so f*ck her.

That's HOT!!!!

OMG!

How hot is this guy?

I'd like to ride him like a cowboy rides his horse!

Today's Truth.