Silver Fox.

This is my hair. Yup,all silver/ grey now, but with some dark in places along the sides and back but you know what, I actually don't mind it and sort of like it now. I didn't used to as it makes me look old, but I am old(I guess, I turn 53 next month and according to some people, like my kids, I'm old, but to others, say in their 80's and 90's I'm not; it's all perspective) and I slowly started to accept it and grow into it and it reminds me of my fave. fur: silver fox, and I had a silver fox fur hat I got when I was in Russia when I was 18 and I lost that in the fire,too as it was sitting on one those styrofoam wig head stands on my bedroom dresser but the fire spread so hard so fast I didn't even have time to think about material things; I had to get the kids out and at the time I had 6 kids, incl. a newborn 3 week old baby, who is now 23. I also think the silver hair looks striking with my blue eyes. I have spent the majority of my life(since I was 15) dyeing my hair( black, auburn, blonde, highlights, henna, red) but now I think I'm finally satisfied with it.....at least for now. My natural colour was a listless mousy turd-brown but I have to say the silver looks alot better even if it makes me look(or at least reveals my age more) older.

I was also woken scared and in a cold sweat at 3 am with a nightmare that Buddy had died and I checked him and relieved to find out it wasn't real( even though it felt real at the time) but only a dream, and picking up dog poop I also got shit under my fingernails yesterday too and now it's raining the snow's all gone again( I hate this!) and it doesn't look or feel like Christmas time anymore so I hope we get more again soon,and I've had a cough since last summer,too, and I don't mean this summer that just went by either, but last summer, summer 2018, and it makes me wonder if maybe I have lung cancer or something(or maybe just because I smoke so much weed; I'm like a Jamaican bonfire, ha,ha) and perhaps it's spread and that explains my pain under my ribs and in my muscles and bones...and my friend F's ( from grade 6 and he still lives in Toronto and is an accountant now) daughter(in university) was recently diagnosed with cancer as well and his wife's brother in the Philippines said it was "karma"(even though it was my friend that had sent them 30K this year to pay for his niece's education and they tampered with the receipts and cheated him and are ungrateful and now call him fongakk which means motherf*cker) and now there's this huge all-out family feud and they're all taking sides....it's sad but at least our family's NOT the only one that's f*cked-up!

I also had a realization too that just because something doesn't work, or a goal isn't achieved or a dream doesn't pan out, etc. it doesn't mean that you failed and that you're not a failure; it just wasn't meant to be, and I also think that some people just truly aren't meant to be happy or to find love and that I'm one of those people.... a friend also posted on her Facebook a photo of the Van Gogh painting she got in Paris and has hanging in her livingroom and wow....just...wow....it blew me away....I knew they were rich but I didn't realize that they were that rich, rich!  We were never that level of rich even when we had $$$$ years ago and when I was growing up; people always referred to us as "rich" although I never saw us that way and my childhood days were typical for myself and my peers: going to the cottage, summer camp,and horseback riding in the summer and skiing and skating in the winter, and my friends were gifted new cars once they turned 16 and the boys in my school were all the classic stereotypical "Preppie" boys of the 80's with the Polo shirts and the deck shoes,etc...but that was just my "circle" and I didn't know anything else and just thought it was average but I wasn't like a millionaire or anything like that and the closest thing to real art is the Monet copy we have in our living room.

I also saw this posted in my Facebook  hippo lovers group and I hope to get it. I've never seen the Jumanji movies ( I think there was another one before this) but it's a hippo, so....it comes with a little man too but I can probably find a use for the man, too, hint, hint, wink, wink, ha, ha...

Chuckle For The Day.

Ugly Christmas.

Last night my hubby (pictured here) had his Christmas dinner (catered!) with his bridge club. As you can probably guess the theme was wear your Ugly Christmas Sweater but my hubby, of course, being the King of Tackiness, had to take it a step further than that and wear and entire outfit of Ugly, and, in fact, he has a few of the suits like this and even inspired one of his nephews to get one,too. The only way the hat could possibly get any tackier would be is if it light up and/or played music although I think he does have one somewhere that does actually. He is also so into tacky that he loves those gaudy inflatable decorations people put on their lawns that I just shudder at driving past and have an intense desire to just pop(but I actually wouldn't because I'm not mean like that....ok, maybe I am but I wouldn't destroy someone's property, it's just a secret desire, an evil thought) and he's inspirired the kids too so that when they go to a family dinner(this one was just for members only, not family, unlike his brother's country club party where family is incl. or the Cadets' one) they ALL dress up in their ugliest, tackiest, most hideous Christmas attire ever. They really know how to take it over the top. The most I ever do is wear a rude offensive Christmas sweater with the elves being obscene.

It's also been 5 weeks since my surgery, and unlike alot of women who have their uterus removed I don't miss it or mourn it or feel "less" feminine. It was giving me alot of trouble with all that heavy bleeding and it served me well and did it's job giving me 11 surviving kids( and miscarried 6 others sadly but it's more common than you'd think) but it was time for it to retire; it did well and was over-worked and it was time to go. To tell you the truth I never felt feminine, beautiful, or desirable anyway, even before; it's just not something I've ever felt or identified with myself, being ugly that I am and that men were never interested in me (other than my hubby and he was as desperate as I was) so it really wasn't a loss or any loss in identity, it was actually a relief. I'm also beyond thrilled to finally no longer have Aunt Flow anymore now either as it was such an annoyance and no longer necessary. Before it was a necessary function although a pain but no longer needed anymore.

The 18 YR old's also mad I used a candle she'd left behind when she left for school in BC a few months ago even though she'd just left it in the bathroom, not being used and I figure it wasn't imporant and no longer needed or else she would have taken it with her and figured since it was just left behind it was left there to be used so no harm done but she shrieks about me What does she thinhk gives her the right to use MY candle?  and was such a  diva(and of all the kids she really is one of the most entitled and snotty ones,too, so that's also just her attitude and the way she is in general,too and she's also jealous the 12 YR old gets to go to NYC when she wants to go) making such a big deal out of it when I just merely thought I was simply making use out of something left behind not being used rather than going out and spending $$$ buying a new one. This is an example of how I always seem to screw up and get everyone mad at me even though it was never my intent. My thinking and reasoning is just different than others with my Aspergers but I never intend harm or ill-will but it never fails: people always take whatever I do the wrong way, misunderstand me and my motives and actions and berate and hate me for it. I'm sorry it bothers her so much but I never meant anything by it; I just saw an unused candle I could use. The 16 YR old is really excited to see her over Christmas though and vice-versa and the best way to describe their closeness is Born-apart twins; they are 2 years apart in age but are inseparable. Next Saturday is also Toronto Transportation Day for my hubby,too: picking up 3 of the kids at the airport and another at the train station for visits!

Daily Musing.

Greta?!

I can't believe that 16 YR old Swedish climate activist Greta Thurnberg has been named Time Magazine's Person Of The Year 2019.I mean, really, surely there were much more important news-worthy recipients, such as the protesters in Hong Kong, New Zealand PM Jacinta Arden with her sweeping gun control measures( that USA should wake up and pay attention to and follow her example and adopt) journalist Jamal Khoshoghi(I'm sure I spelled that wrong, sorry Jamal) that was murdered by the Saudis, or how about someone with some worthwhile breakthru in science for example instead of some puppet for the Enviro movement, some pawn they parade around to spread their fear mongering propaganda and indoctrination of their world-wide cult, the New World religion of environmentalism where they are indoctrinated practically right from birth in this generation and programmed it in schools(yet another reason we homeschool) taught to worship the creation and not the Creator, like mindless sheep (sheeple) following the herd, and she says that her generation will change the world

...yeah...right... they can't even decide which gender they want to be, and struggle financially just trying to survive; and they have to work 2-3 part-time minimum wage jobs just to survive, just a sustainable wage, slavery basically, an entire childless generation of renters and tenants, never able to afford to buy their own houses worshipping the earth and caring more about tree-hugging, climate change, recycling,banning plastics, saving the turtles, etc. than building up the economy, decent-paying jobs, affordable housing, accessible timely healthcare, social programs, etc. taking care of people, where the planet has more rights than people do and people care more about the earth than about eachother...this whole enviro-freak thing has just gone waaay too far. There is a difference between good stewardship and taking care of creation(not littering,not abusing animals, only hunting for food and not sport, etc.) but this Green movement has taken on a life of it's own and I don't think people even seem to realize how cult-ish and crazy it's all become....

As for Greta personally, I have nothing against her and I actually admire her, that someone so young can be os vocal and accomplish so much, and I admire her determination to fight for something she believes so strongly in even if I don't happen to believe in it myself and think it's all a crock I still admire her determination, dedication and courage, but the sad thing is though I find that when people are so famous and accomplished and so well-known at a young age like she is they also often tend to die young,too; it's almost as if they achieve things early because they have a short life to live. I also like it that she looks so sweet and cute and innocent too(although I'm sure that's part of their tactics "grooming" her as their puppet and spokesperson,too; remember the Nazis and their propaganda posters with all the cute young girls with braids,too?) she looks like she's about 12 years old and not slutty like most teen girls(sadly) do today. I like that she has Asperger's like me as well yet she's able to rise above it and still be  someone and accomplish someone although I feel sorry for her too because the enviro agenda is also just using her as a pawn as part of their propaganda machine. I have nothing against her as a person, just the propaganda she spouts.

Yesterday was also this kind of day for once; a good Christmas-y kind of day( if it weren't for my fierce abdomenal cramps and pain and so bad I could even hear and feel everything pulsing, churning and twisting and gurgling around in there) and horrific back pain; my bowel wasn't just irritible but downright pissed-off) where Buddy and I went for an early morning walk, before sunrise, and no one was out there, it was just us, and we enjoyed the pure silence, walking in the sparkling snowfall, and then spent the rest of the day cuddling, enjoying this Christmas-scented candle, looking out the window watching the snow come dowm, listening to Christmas music( and when I sang along with it the 12 and 16 YR olds yelled at me to shut up and she even turned it off but I just put it back on; what makes them think they're the "boss" anyway?") eating eggnog yogurt, looking at the Christmas tree lights blinking on and off( and oh yeah, the 16 YR old hates those,too; she's a real Grinch, Scrooge, and Bah Humbug) and I also wonder too if when my lower ears/upper jaw area hurts if it's not my ears or jaw afterall like I thought but maybe it's enlarged inflamed lymph nodes; maybe I have some sort of infection, or even cancer, and that's what making me so sick, run-down , fatigued, and sucking all the energy and life out of me?

The 25 YR old also keeps saying how the second-oldest(she's 29) is now getting too old and running out of time and that her eggs are all going to shrivel up that her best fertility years(in your 20's) has gone now and she'd better hurry up and get married and get prego, although I said she still has time( assuming that's what she even wants; maybe she doesn't even want kids, and actually she'd be better off; trust me, I know) as it's never too late to find love and I had my youngest when I was 40 and I had friends who had babies at age 46 and 47...he also mentioned how she's had 4 boyfriends incl. one at 15 which was news to me, since they're not even allowed to even date until they're 18....and adults, finished highschool and avoid any chances of teen pregnancy...and I just even found out about the one she had in uviversity for 2 years just recently.....see what I mean; I'm always the last to know anything and no one ever tells me anything even though I'm the mother and should be one of the first to know but they always leave me out and push me away. It's like they all belong to this secret elite club I'm not a member of and they won't let me in.

Of all the kids it also hurts me that now only 2 of them even go to church anymore: the 23 YR old( which really surprises me as she's the one who always dresses Goth and in all black and wears skulls and chains,etc, and always concerned me she was getting into the occult, the demonic, the Dark Side) and the 12 YR old, but only because he comes along with me, but the others have all not only stopped going but turned away from God completely saying they don't even believe in God and mock Him and say blasphemous things. I wouldn't even care if they were a different religion(except for Satanism that is) as long as they still worshipped God but they don't even do that anymore. I also had this scary weird dream my hand was melting off, like wax, and the fingers dropped off and were left stubs and there was a big gaping hole left in the middle of my hand too, like it was all burned or dipped in acid. It was really gross.

The teachers are striking(again) too and I have no sympathy for anyone who makes 92K a year and gets every weekend, holiday and summer off plus another week in March and gets a good pension....yet they still want more incl. a pay increase? No one else has it that good and they're still not satisfied? They should all be fired and hire new graduates glad to even have a job. Normally I would support strike action but only for a legitimate reason, like for safe and fair working conditions  and decent wages, but not just to be greedy.The 12 YR old was also going to report someone online for his user-name as well and I told him not to; to just mind his own business and not cause trouble for people and unless someone's in danger, getting hurt or killed then just look the other way and mind your own business; don't go reporting people and causing trouble because you could end destroying their lives(esp. if you report an innocent person for something to think you saw or heard but you don't actually know the whole story) just by being nosey, or even endanger yourself or your family if your report someone and they retaliate at the "snitch". It's a life-lesson I learned well and it's best to avoid trouble, to mind your own people and just let people do their own thing unless someone's in danger.

Wordless Wednesday.

Today's Laff.