Daily Thought.

 

Dotard.

I remember years ago when Kim Jong-Un called Trump a dotard, meaning a senile old man and that's exactly what my mother feels like,except for the man part, but she's tired of being so old, feeble, frail, and a burden and she's just given up and not only waiting around to die but now actually willing herself to die and not only just lays around all day in bed yesterday she was even 2 hours late doing her insulin injection,too, and only did it because I kept pestering her to; she's just given up, and because she peed the bed and I had to wash all the sheets yesterday she spent all day laying on the couch( and I hope she didn't pee on it because I spent lots of $$$ on that thing) and spent all night there,too, and never even moved or got up to go to the bathroom, and she even cryptically said, It's time to tell the grandchildren I haven't got much time left just because her knee hurts and she's given up. She also went from the walker to the wheelchair( she inherited from my father-in-law when he died) and she's just given up but I can't say that I blame her, really; I mean what kind of "life" does she really have though just laying in bed all day doing nothing? She doesn't even get outside anymore, so maybe it is her Time and she turns 82 in July, and people come and go in our lives and life goes on but it  will be hard for me since she's been here my entire life(but I won't miss her constant criticism and blame and never being good enough) and we still do need her pension $$$ to pay the bills but I also know that God will provide,too, just as He always has and we'll get thru this just like we always have(and adapted) thru everything else.

This morning I also had a bath-bomb called Sex Goddess ( ha, ha) that smelled lovely like lavender( one of my fave. scents) and turned the water a nice purple colour, and my hubby and the 16 YR old are going to an anime convention in Toronto, and I couldn't suntan topless yesterday because the neighbours were having their roof done and I didn't want to end up traumatizing the poor roofers for life ( they'd take one look at me and say Oh, my God! What is that? and fall off the roof, and I saw a female robin too and she was so pretty and boy, could she fly, and I wish I could trade places with her, and my stomach and back pain is so bad,too I want to close my eyes and just make the pain go away, and I bit into a bagel and didn't know until I'd already eaten some that there were fuzzy green mold in it( ewww!) and I also realized that ancient people only the Greeks and the Egyptians kept their same names; the others changed, such as the Israelites are now Israelis, and the Romans are Italians, the Babylonians are now Iraqis, the Persians are Iranian, etc.It's also sad to realize that people always mean more to me than I ever mean to them.

The pain of living outweighs the joy of living.-Melissiah Victoria

 

Today's Musing.

 

Cursed?

I just had a thought: you know how I've always been plagued with bad luck my entire life, with misfortune, trauma, and everything always going wrong, always being that unfortunate unlucky one-out-of-a -million and it feels like I've been cursed? Well, since I have deeply-hidden suppressed memories of voodoo in my mind either of forgotten childhood memories or from a past life; I know things, I recognize things, I remember things, and  it makes me wonder if maybe either me, my parents, or my family perhaps was actually cursed at one time; that someone really did put a curse on someone , which can go down generations? Something opened a door and let evil in. It does seem possible, esp. now given the memories that flashed back; I recognized and know it for some reason; it's buried deep into my subconscious due to some past experience I tried to bury but still there nonetheless and in this life now, as I am today, I detest the occult and want nothing to do with it, because it's the opposite of God, but maybe there's also more to do with it? I've always wondered why I've always had such bad luck and misfortune in my life and it seems like I've been cursed or something but now it really makes me wonder....

My mother spent all day in bed yesterday with her sore knee as well and even wet the bed( despite diapers) and only my hubby and the 28 YR old are strong enough to be able to lift her and move her(I'm not strong enough and my back can't take it and the youngest is tall but he's wimpy) but they're not always at home and as always she's over-dramatic with her loud moaning, for attention and so people fawn all over her and serve her, and it's getting really tiresome and it's also hard to see her like this and she's becoming increasingly hard to take care of her and sadly I think it's time for a Home for her except we can't afford it, but she did finally try some of my CBD oil for the pain and said it completely wiped it out for 2 hours but wouldn't smoke a joint or take a few bong hits which would relieve the pain for several hours. It was also -1C this morning when I woke up and there's a new shwarma place in town that just operned up I can't wait to try and 2 out of my 3 TV shows are ending for good this season leaving only 1 show for me to watch( plus the news) next season, and I had a delicious watermelon that was so good,too, the kind where the juice drips all down your chin.

I've always felt like I am a nobody going nowhere in life.

 

Truth For The Day.

 

Jesus Robe.

Here's the 28 YR old in his new Jesus robe with the fringes. He looks like a hippie and I said all he needs now are Birkenstock sandals("Jesus" sandals),  a tie-dye shirt,a beaded necklace,some silver and turquoise rings, string and beaded bracelets and torn cut-off  frayed denim shorts to complete the look! I said it looks like something that Jim Morrison would wear and he said Who?  and it just broke my heart. Jim Morrison.... you know.....from The Doors...a popular group from the 60's? He also jokes he's going to start his own cult now,too, The Children Of The Golden Dawn. Ha, ha. He also opened up his wallet and a condom fell out and I just sighed and rolled my eyes. There are some things in the kids' lives that I really don't want to know about. The 16 YR old also got his hair cut yesterday, finally;it was so long in his eyes he looked like a sheepdog and I really don't think he even had it done last time but just said  that he did but this time I can actually tell he did because now it looks nice and cut and short. My mother's knee also hurts for some reason( arthritis?) anbd so bad she can't walk(and needs help now getting in and out of bed and to the bathroom) and it kept her up all night last night so she let me convince her to put some of my CBD topical cream on it for relief but won't try the CBD oil or smoke some weed for the best relief, or at least not yet,anyway.

For the past 4 days or so my stomach and abdomen also hurt sooooo bad it feels like I've been kicked by a horse and that it's all being stretched out and I wonder if the chicken weiners we had for the BBQ really actually weren't afterall but if they actually snuck some pork in there and I noticed this thing on my lower left abdomen as well that might be a melanoma but could also just be  an exzema patch as it's rough and scaly but also bleeds and that part's never even exposed to the sun, and yesterday and today I heard Stairway To Heaven and I had a revelation before that I would hear it just before I die so I wonder if my time is upand also I had one another time too that when we die and go to Heaven and have our spiritual body we don't have a gender; you're just you, which makes sense I guess since we just need gender here on Earth in our physical body in order to reproduce.

I can still remember as well in Jr. High before gym class we had to run around the gym as few laps to 'warm" up and they'd let us play music except whenever the song Another Brick In The Wall (one of my faves.) came on they'd ban it and wouldn't let us play it as it spoke out against the oppression and injustice of the school system only proving the truth of the song, and I can remember as well when I was about 3 years old I went grocery shopping with my aunt and somehow I got lost and I went off with this other lady who looked the same( white hair and glasses) I thought was her and eventually we reunited and she was really mad at me and when we got back to her house she made me stand in the corner as  punishment and I wailed, But you're my favourite aunt! and she said, Then act like it! and it just broke my heart because I wasn't being bad; I just made a mistake; I just got lost, I was just a little kid, and for some reason that memory still sticks with me all these years later and for some reason unknown to us she "ghosted" us later from when I was 13 and we never saw her or my cousins again and I always wondered why. It's one of those (of many) questions I have for God when I die.

So kiss this one more time, 'cause I'm gone for good.-The Struts

 

Thoughts For Thursday.

Even if they are family.

It's long gone.

and they won't stop loving you,either, unlike people.

God.

and I am!

Buddy.

A plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit. The Beatles did.-Kurt Vonnegut