Today's Pondering.

 

She Won!!

Olivia Chow won and is now Toronto's new mayor! Yay! She was one that I was hoping for, campaigning  for more affordable housing, safer transit, help for the homeless, a more livable,affordable, safer city, etc. and what I also like about her is she kept her campaign "clean"; even when the other candidates trash-talked her and smeared her she never said a bad word about anybody and just stuck to the issues(I don't like dirty politics) and she's also NDP (Socialist) and the widow of former NDP leader Jack Layton, and they're progressive, esp. for social issues, and ending decades of old-rule style leadership of rich old white men in The System, and I'm pretty sure she's also the first woman mayor and first non-Caucasian! Racist assholes are already accusing her of "working for China" and "being a Chinese spy" etc. just because she's from Hong Kong but racist assholes will be racist assholes(they can just f*ck off) and thie election results shows people are ready for change, for a more progressive, socially friendly affordable safer city for everyone, not just for the rich. I actually thought Ana Bailao would win it as she was already deep in The System (being a long-time city councillor and one time deputy mayor) but she also seems arrogant and let's not also forget that DUI she had, making her not a very responsible person. I think the city needs some "new blood" and some "shaking" up.It needs an "outsider" with fresh new ideas.

It was also soooo humid yesterday; the air you wear, and then a biiiig storm with torrential rain( a Gutter Washer) came thru( we had a severe thunderstorm warning and there I was, outside casually smoking a J) and mercifully cooled it down( supposed to be the same today)and both yesterday and today I feel really "yucky" too; nauseated, dizzy, and extra tired and weak, and I was also woken up during the night with abdomenal pain, and yesterday my mother also phoned me 3 times, still delusional, and she told me to  Take Rho-gam(she meant Zofran) for my nausea( Rho-gam is for RH- prego women) and I told her,Where am I going to get it from? You need a prescription. I just use Gravol. and then she said Just ask your nurse or whoever's taking care of you and I told her, I don't have a nurse or anyone taking care of me; I have to take care of myself, and then later she called back saying she's been thinking and decided that now she does want to go into a long-term care home,afterall( after NOT wanting to before) which I think is best, esp. since she's not improving and makes no effort to, and just lays in bed and Home Care only lasts for 4 months and then what? The only problem is though her pension will go towards that, leaving us short her income we still need to pay the bills,property tax,etc. and my hubby only contributes the same I do each month( even though he has a job) and she covered the rest so now he's just going to have to step up and start paying alot more and make up for what she used to cover so we don't lose the house! I'm NOT going "backwards" and moving into a shitty apartment with no yard and where I can't have my dog!

It also freaks me out to realize that the 3 older of my girls have sex; the second-oldest, the 27 YR old( who is engaged and now a man) and the 24 YR old(who lives with her BF so it's pretty obvious) and I don't think  the younger ones have yet but you never know and the kids have done alot of things I don't know about  and I'm always the last to know anything but it freaks me out( even though I also know it's just a normal biological function too, sort of like taking a shit) because I gave birth to them and I still remember when they were sweet little babies and just innocent little girls and even though now they're grown women to me I'll still always see them as my girls and it's just weird to know that they do something so raunchy! 😂 It's gross in the same sort of way trying to imagine your parents doing IT.

2 minutes to midnight To kill the unborn in the womb.-Iron Maiden

 

Daily Larf.

 

The CT Scan.

After waiting 3 long months I finally got my abdomenal CT scan! I thought the day would never come, either that, or I wouldn't live to see it, and if it turns out I have cancer I can just imagine how much it would have grown, advanced, and spread during those 3 months! The scan itself just took 10-15 minutes and she took 4 or so scans, 2 of which I had to take in deep breaths and hold my breath and when she injected the contrast dye into the IV my chest felt all warm and heavy and I could feel my heart racing and I was really dizzy too so my guess is my BP shot waaay up. I just hope that it shows something and has an answer to what's causing my pain and that it can be finally relieved, like if it's a tumour or an obstruction they can get rid of it surgically, yet I fear with my "luck" it'll be inconclusive or something and I'll still have no answers and will just have to keep on suffering with no real relief or answers. They said my doctor should have the results in 2-3 days. Today I still feel nauseated and have on and off pain on the left side of my chest,too.

I also visited my mother yesterday since I was already at the hospital and she was sleepy and delusional as usual and said my hubby "made us special short-sleeve outfits to wear to the hospital" and the nurse said she's been scanned up and down and had every test done and nothing shows up to explain her nausea(I wondered if it might maybe be her appendix, gallbladder, or pancreas) and she was woken up at 2 am too with bad abdomenal pain and nausea and she said the delusions could also be something called hospital delirium that some old people just get and they also want to call a "family meeting" to discuss a  long-term care home for her, which seems best esp. since she's not improving and makes no effort to do so and just lays in bed, but they removed the catheter and she's peeing on her own now(but still in the diaper).

 My hubby's youngest brother also stopped by for a visit(and now all the brothers are going to NYC next month) and greeted me with his usual, Hey, Weirdo! and I replied the same, Hey, Weirdo!  and it's still sooooo humid out; 36 C and I think the Wagner Group attempted "coup" in Russia isn't really what it appeared,either, but rather a "ploy", a stategy in the Ukraine war, a sort of diversionary tactic that was planned for some logistical reason rather than an actual mutiny, as things are rarely as what they appear to be, and no one 'crosses" Putin and comes out alive,(they mysteriously end up poisoned, jumping out of windows or balconies) plus, he's not that stupid or that vulnerable...

I'm so ugly, that's okay, 'cause so are you.-Nirvana

 

Thought For The Day.

 

Delusional.

My mother is delusional again. I don't know if it's the medication they're giving her( for nausea and sleeping pills and the antibiotics) she's reacting to or if it's the infection or just dementia or what but when I called her yesterday she said her doctor( who she called Dr. ReadySteady) has "a theory" as to what's causing her nausea and I got all hopeful.....until she started rambling on this "theory" is about "bugs, really, really big bugs, about 6 inches long, the kind that sting you" and that he's 'doing some sort of experiment and making a big plastic cage to keep them in...." and then I knew.

The delusions are back again.

That's not it. later on in the day yesterday she also phoned me (I'm actually surprised she remembered the number) and said to me, Where is my ride? When are you going to pick me up? I've been waiting. Isn't anyone home? and when I asked her, totally confused, she said to "push her wheelchair, to my 'thing, my app't..." and I told her my CT scan isn't until today ( due to the backlog they're doing scans 24 HRS a day now, 7 days a week) and I didn't wear my underwear with holes since the scan can show thru your body it'll also show holes in my underwear, and it has nothing to do with her, and then she said I guess I can just go back to bed then and when I asked her where she was at the time she said IN bed and I told her How can you go back to bed then if you're already in bed?  and she goes, Oh, I don't know.... so I talked to one of the nurses just to let them know she's confused and imagining things. The nausea could still be from the C Difficile if she still has it but the delusions, I don't know and it's concerning. I'll stop in to see her today before I have my scan and as for me I've also been nauseated for the past couple of days as well.

Yesterday I was also sitting out on the front veranda watching the storm roll in, and it was getting really windy, and the dark clouds came and I heard thunder and once the rain came and I was getting wet I went inside and then we even had a warning for the potential for funnel clouds and it's weird big storms always seem to happen at the same time, between 3-4 pm, and the other day I ordered more pre-rolls ( joints) and my fave. delivery guy brought it; the Jamaican guy, and he's always so cheerful and says How are ya, Love? and I know he doesn't mean anything by it; it's just the way he talks and he's just being friendly, but I'm not used to people being so nice to me like that and when they are ( just like the surgeon who did my gallbladder when he saw me there waiting in the hallway before he took me off to the OR, said, There's my girl! and it made me feel special) and call me "endearing" names it just makes me feel good, and I also found out zebras are actually mean,too, so now I don't feel bad when they get torn apart by cheetahs and lions anymore.'

My hubby also tried to educate me on Russia even though he's never even been there and I have the background and I told him, Why don't you just stick to science and math and leave history to me,OK? and he even had the nerve to say as well that the land  here doesn't belong to the Indigenous People, even though they were here first and it was stolen from them and the gov't ignored the treaties they signed with them and they shouldn't get it back, and it just made me soooo mad! I really loathe him at times and he just infuriates me so much I can't even stand to look at him and even his laugh pisses me off! Honestly if I could go back in time and just change just one thing it would be that I never even met him; then my life would have been totally different and I wouldn't have had all the traumas, stress, and unhappiness I did.Meeting him was my biggest regret in life.

Wake me up inside (save me) Call my name and save me from the dark (wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (save me) Save me from the nothing I've become.-Evanescence

 

Weekend Words.

My family.

I need to go on a trip.

That would be me.

Devo!

It's still never good enough.

Abortion would be an example, and vaccine compliance.

She couldn't help thinkin' that there Was a little more to life Somewhere else After all it was a great big world With lots of places to run to Yeah, and if she had to die tryin.-Tom Petty