Wordless Wednesday.

 

Thought For The Day.

 

A Beautiful Suicide.

Yesterday scrolling on one of my online entertainment sites I came across this hunk(I have no idea who he is, apparantly some 36 YR old named Josh from one of those lame-ass Bachelor or Bachelorette  reality shows) and I thought, Ohhh, he's handsome!  so I paused to check it out and was sad to see that he had commited suicide(which has since been proven false). It said he had suffered from bipolar and depression and past suicide attempts( like me!) and it made me think that, sadly, depression and mental illness is not just "limited" to us ugly people, but that even the beautiful suffer from it as well; mental illness and depression doesn't discriminate. It just goes to show that you can be good-looking and seemingly "have it all" and still be miserable and hate your life.It's sad about Sinead O'Connor as well, now she's dead everyone says how talented and wonderful she was and how much they miss her and what a great loss, etc. yet when she was alive no one told her; they all just made fun of her and called her crazy. Maybe, just maybe, if they'd only told her those things when she was alive and she'd only known how much she meant to so many people she might not have killed herself? I also got my app't for my follow-up gastric endoscopy: 31 October and despite my stomach acid pills increased I still have the cough,too, so maybe it's something else, like a pulmonary embolism or lung cancer, or something?Or, maybe I'm just a big pothead?😂

Yesterday morning poor Buddy also suddenly had a big swollen bump on his face under his eye that kept swelling bigger and bigger and went all down his snout and eventually took up half his face and almost shut his eye and I guess is likely an insect bite, maybe a spider, bee, or wasp, and it was itchy too as he kept rubbing it on the carpet, his blanket, my leg, etc. so I gave him some Benadryl by sneaking the pill in a chunk of meat he just  quickly scarfed down and didn't even notice and the swelling lessened but is back again today although not quite as bad so I gave him another pill and if he dies before I leave for my trip or while I'm away there's nothing to come back to and nothing will matter anymore and everything else is meaningless, and the 28 YR old said he "looks funny" with his swollen face and he pointed and laughed at him and then he whimpered and cried; he hurt his feelings! I also put some of the Emla anesthetic cream on his swollen face for pain.My poor boy. It also took 15 minutes( and I know because I timed it) for the stupid Google Home device to get the radio station on (it's always f*cking up)and when it finally did I'd already missed the news and it was just redneck sports on so I had to turn it off,anyway! Just MY "luck!" Shit!

The 28 YR old also got this jade bowl to drink Chinese green tea from, and I remember as a teen I had 2 jade bracelets as well; a green one and an orange one(and back then in the early 80's I paid something like 350$ for each back when I had $$$$ so I wonder what it would cost now in today's $$$?), and one day as I took my winter coat off the jade bracelet also came flying off as I pulled my arm out the sleeve and it went flying and smashed on the hard concrete floor and I felt shattered along with it. I also bought flowers for my mother on the way to visit her only I forgot my credit card! I'd left it in my backpack from the "Ex" last week( and kept it there for my trip which will also be my carry-on ,not thinking I would be using it in-between) and I was sooooo embarrassed but luckily my hubby was there to pay, andthe 28 YR old  still continues to "razz" me I'm "obsessed" with my mother because I call her daily and visit her(even though I'm just doing my duty) and I'd hoped he'd visit me if I was in the hospital or old-age home and he said "maybe once" and my hubby said "at least that's more than the other kids would do" (they wouldn't come visit me at all, and they haven't visited her,either, and yet they claim to like her, and they've only phoned her once.)They're just NOT "nice" people. Her room-mate was ok yesterday,too, sometimes she is, other times she's nasty but she has dementia too so maybe that's just the way the disease is? It's like she has 2 different personalities. It must be hard for her husband though; to see the woman he loves change and decline like that; to "lose" the person he once knew and loved.

My hubby will also be gone for 5 days starting tomorrow(yay!) between helping the 27 YR old move and going to NY for a chess tournament and I asked him when the actual tournament was; is it just Saturday and Friday and Sunday are travel days, and he said it's Saturday, Sunday, and Monday and I asked when he comes back and he said late Sunday night.....so I said it doesn't make sense; how can it go until Monday if he comes back Sunday and then he raged and said I was stupid and said condescendeningly(like he always does to me) and talked "down" to me and said What part don't you understand? and I said the part about coming home the day BEFORE it ends and he realizes and corrected himself, realizing HE made the mistake by saying Sunday( and it wasn't just me being stupid) and said, Oh, I come back Monday night....forgetting that Monday is the Labour Day holiday, yet NO apology for blaming me or for calling me stupid. Like I said, he's a colossal asshole.

Oh, but I'm tired of holdin' on To a feelin' I know is gone I do believe that I've had enough.-REO Speedwagon

 

Daily Truth.

 

Beard Powder.

Our vines are changing colour now so you know fall is coming. School also goes back exactly a week today(but not for us anymore; we're finally done! We're free!!) and there's only a week left of summer vacation and you can almost feel the anxiety and nervousness in the air from the kids. 2 weeks from yesterday I also leave for my trip and I'm getting more excited now it's getting even closer and I suppose I should also get off my lazy ass and start packing any time and I have no problem sleeping in another bed other than my own,either; just give me a bed and I'm tired enough I can sleep anywhere I just can't sleep sitting up, like on a plane, but as long as I can lay down I can sleep in any bed anywhere, unlike my oldest as a baby who could only sleep in his crib; not in a stroller or playpen, etc.. There are also hurricanes brewing in the area as well (it's hurricane saeson now but I'm so desperate to get away I took the chance)I'm keeping an eye on but I hope they stay away at least until my last day,anyway. I don't care if I'm stuck there and have to stay and can't get back to this shithole but I want to at least be able to get there and enjoy my week at the beach.

Yesterday I also found what looked like black powder in the bathroom sink and I figured it probably had something to do with the 28 YR old and I was right. It was beard powder; powdered beard from when he trimmed his beard stubble and I joked just add water and you can make a beard, and I also discovered that sunflowers are closely related to ragweed which I am highly allergic to and even had hundreds of needles poked in my arms filled with various allergens in them as a teen to test for allergies to prove it and ragweed was the worst one, so how come something I love is so bad for me? My hubby's stupid pickleball also takes up so much time too  he hardly has time for anything else, even to go to the grocery store and yesterday he found 3 hours to play pickleball( despite being busy at work) but couldn't find the time to go to the store to pick up something my mother wanted or to pick me up a snack before he goes way again tomorrow for 5 days, yet he somehow always finds the time for his leisure activities at the expense of  interefering with family obligations.Today the 16 YR old also leaves for camping.

Sometimes in life you don't get the Knight In Shining Armour but end up with the Retard In Tin Foil instead.

 

Today's Pondering.

 

Rasta Pasta.

Yesterday while my hubby was already out I asked him to pick me up a 6 cheese Penne pasta salad(shown here) and he thought I wanted him to pick up six of them ( yeah, right, at 12$ each! No way!) when really I really only wanted one and it has 6 different cheeses in it( actually it only has 4 cheeses in it but he was smart enough to ask someone that works at the store and they knew what I meant and got it). Ha, ha! Duh! Guys are so dumb! The 28 YR old had some the other day and I remembered I liked it and haven't had it in years but he was cheap and wouldn't give me any so I just bought my own. I know, what an asshole, right? My mother also said I should charge him 10$ a week for cooking and doing his laundry but somehow it just doesn't feel right(even though he does have a job) and she's alwaysjust  been about $$$. He also paid these 3 kids that came around to cut the grass 5$ each and crowed how he "ripped them off" etc.....but then in the end they got the "last laugh" because they only did the front part and not the side and he never thought to check before he paid them, so HA! He also called me "Princess" because I always complain the new dryer doesn't have a light and I just assumed it would, like how a fridge and stove does and he mocks me saying, Oh! I only thought cars came in Bentleys!

I also visited my mother yesterday and the 16 YR old came too because she kept asking for him and she was so happy to see him(he's like her little pet) and when we were visiting and she was talking her room-mate growled loudly to her, Oh, shut-up! and when I told my hubby he's always on his phone he snarled I'm "stupid" even though he always is, even when he's in the bathroom, and this morning it's so chilly out(11C) I could even see my breath so you can tell fall is coming, and my friend D( from grade 6) also recently bought a vineyard and he's nearing his first harvest and charges 100$ for a bottle of wine! My hubby also found a sunflower field 15 minutes away you can go and take photos so I hope to go and I'm also hoping that they sell them as well, and with my autism I always have to keep "reminding" myself as well The Rules too because it's not something that I "automatically" know like other people, such as when someone asks how I am I have to "remind" myself to ask them back too( instead of just replying) or ask someone how their day was(even if I don't care) before I tell them my news( even though if I don't say it right away I'll forget) and before I go into an elevator I have to remember to let other people out first, etc, just things like that, that I often forget and people think I'm rude when I'm just being autistic.

My hubby also often likes to hassle me that I "don't 'want' to down-size" and sell the house that we now "have enough room for 2 bedrooms for each person" etc. but it's not that; it's not that I have a "problem" with down-sizing'; it's just that I LOVE my backyard; it's my sanctuary and this is my home and I don't want to move, plus moving is always such a pain-in-the-ass and we'd never make enough $$$ selling ( because the kids totally just wrecked the place)  we wouldn't make enough $$$ to be able to move or to afford  anything else, anyway,everything costs more than we'd get selling this house, and we'd end up losing  $$$ and have to start all over again with a new mortgage, and there's no way I'd go backwards again and rent.

  The 28 YR old said it was a "bad idea" too that I "broke trust" with the 20 YR old when she was 14 having her self-harm and eating disorder by "sneaking" in extra calories( such as injecting butter into her muffins,etc) and having to regularly "search" her room and remove harmful objects like razors and bottles of pills, a rope she'd planned to hang herself with, etc. but I had no choice; I did what I had to do to save her life; to keep her safe, to help her heal and to keep her alive, and it worked, and even though she hates me and seeing her destroy herself and hurt like that also destroyed me(Buddy was here to help me heal, but losing her shattered me)  I would do it all again if I had to because it saved her life and as much as I honour loyalty and trust, saving a life always comes first and takes priority over everything else. Often doing the right thing is also the hardest and being a parent isn't easy,either but you do what you have to.

I remember the time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again.-Elaine Page